bachelor breakdown 2

ooh friends, i'm thrilled that so many of you are as frivilous as i!
this weeks bach gave me epic hotmessiness by the gals getting ousted as well as the sobbers who were asked to stay.

first of all, it was so fun to see my friend, bradford, doing that ridiculous
but the wrap party?!

get it together, ladies!!
and jason!
why would you reward that ninny behaviour by eva mendez with a rose?!

ok, for the record... i don't think jason and mommy are MFEO, but i DO think she's so sweet (and ridiculous.... how awesome was her outfit during the singing challenge).

now on to the train wrecks (way to go jason for getting rid of all 3!!):

dear stalker,
let me get this straight...
you think it's acceptable to go in slobbery tongue first for a smooch when you've not only gleeked all over yourself, but have snot/napkin mixture on your face/in your mouth?
why is that ok?
and now that you're shipping home (with that horrible prom hair),
you finally stop blubbering ?
and why do you need to use your electric toothbrush before you tongue kiss your dog?
do you think your dog requires better hygeine than jase??

sideburn sandy bullock
(previously referred to as anne hathaway)

really, bhh.
if kelly kapowski
can't bring back the girl-burns, i'm pretty sure YOU are not the gal to do it.
and why so many strange "talking to myself" confessions of neuroticism?
(note to self: NEVER stream-of-thought your feelings on national television)

and PLEASE, give yourself a break!
you're a pretty girl who seems borderline intelligent!
do some yoga... or medicate... just take care of it!


first of all, sweet cheeks, you need to get a grip on reality (or reality tv).... you re on the bachelor-not american idol....
and let me tell you, those gals were much gentler than simon would ever be.

didn't wasp remind you of all of those horribly obnoxious entitled gals
at bloomies who are just hideous to everybody? ughh.

needless to say,
i'm glad these gals got the boot, but now who will rein supreme in the "biggest disasters" category??



emily said...

stalker. oh my gosh, she was AWFUL.

I bawled when Jason brought Stephanie's little girl out. I thought that was a really sweet gesture. I don't think he'll pick her, but I really feel for her.

I LOVE Jillian--she's so cute!--and I did like the cheerleader until she cried at the wrap party.

Suzanne said...

Good to know I'm not the only one who thinks Naomi looks like Eva Mendez and Nikki looks like Sandra Bullock. My personal favs are Jillian and Melissa. I think one of them will be "the one".

Kika+Trevor said...

ha ha you are SO funny!!!

I just can't stand when he says "this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do", really? Every week he says that, he needs a new flower ceremony sentence. :)


scott and mattie said...

you forgot potty mouth megan! she was the worst, in my opinion. she just had "so much depth."

first time commenter, but i LOVE your blog. you are hilarious.

caitlin said...

You need to see the spoof from the Bonnie Hunt Show. Seriously, one of the funniest things ever in Bachelor history. Jason was her guest and he actually has a sense of humor.

I am with you and have been saying all along that Nikki was Sandra Bullock (with sideburns) and Naomi was Eva Mendes. Also can I just say this is one of my favorite seasons!? (I review it weekly on my entertainment site http://www.hisandherreviews.blogspot.com/)

And um ahem, how come you didn't try out for this season?? You are far more enticing than a lot of those train wreck girls. Just my two cents :)

Morgan said...

Okay, I haven't watched the Bachelor yet this season but who needs to with your hilarious re-cap? I feel fully caught up and plan to DVR the rest of the season!

chelsea said...

I was so happy to see these girls go. I take back anything nice I said about the stalker girl she is nuts. I think it will be gillian, the girl he spent the night with or the dallas cheerleader. I forgot how much fun reality tv can be....such a stress relief! I think Stephanie will be the next one to go.

chelsea said...

P.S. I saw somewhere that Jason wanted to be a therapist at one point. He totally acts like therapist to all these girls...so funny:)

careymc said...

I absolutely love your blog. And after all of these fabulous bachelor posts, I love it even more! :-) I completely agree with your assessment.

By the way, maybe you should consider a quick post re. the very awkward attempt via Megan to kiss Jason...ugh, awful. ;)

Lindsay said...

omg I totally agree..they were a mess..it was painful to watch them beg to stay..and I could not stop thinking how she looked like Sandra Bullock the whole episode! and Lauren..yuck! getting mad at Jason? puhlease!

Carla said...

I was so happy when he put that third rose down and they all went home! WASP was seriously scary! I couldn't get past Sandra's sideburns--maybe Jason couldn't either. I agree that Naomi looks like Eva Mendez, but am I the only one that thinks Melissa looks a bit like Mandy Moore? I think he'll choose Molly, not sure why...

Jana said...

I said Melissa looked like Mandy Moore too! And we were all cracking up at Sandy's sideburns. I wanted to die when she said, "How can I be any smarter? How can I be any prettier?" Yuck. I love this show--it's like car wreck I can't look away from.

CoLiE-O said...

love it. love it. love it!!
i think you pretty much nailed it! as for stalker and french kissing her dog- i hope she is completely embarassed.
i vote for mommy stephanie or melissa. i cant wait till next week! isnt deanna supposed to be making a cameo this season?

paula said...

Oh my gosh-you're stalker letter is brilliant hilarious! I just about fell out of my chair when she said, "Now I can go home and french kiss my dog." He totally made the right decision in sending all these ladies packing.

Am I the only one who is getting more annoyed with Jason as the weeks go on? I understand that he needs to see if he has physical chemistry with these women but come on, he goes from kissing one behind a screen right to another one on the bench. He's being a bit on a man-whore. Maybe it just surprises me because I thought he was a little more reserved and less horny.

I love momma-she is one of the sweetest, more mature women to ever be on this show but I don't want him to choose her. I'm sticking with Ms. Cananda or Molly.

Lindsey said...

I was THRILLED when all 3 were so graciously booted off of the show. "You didn't do what I asked" the wasp says. I gasped. Glad she is gone. I think Eva Mendez is going to crash and burn this week. I am liking Molly and Jillian. They seem really put together. Oh it's so thrilling!!

heidi and tom said...

Oh Nat, I can't stop laughing. thank you for that. and spot on i must say.


Tori said...

Umm seriously I think they should let Shannon be the next Bachelorette...it would be a great season to watch the full out craziness!

Someone tell Chris Harrison that there will be yet another first in Bachelorette history not only will there be male contestants they'll let dogs enter too!

Tess said...

Ok, I have been a blog stalker for a while, but this post is making me come out from behind the bushes!


I will not spoil, unless you want me to, but from the beginning they were showing a little clips of episodes to come, and they showed Jason proposing to his girl, but just a clip of their hands. This particular girls hands does NOT have acrylic nails. So I have been closely watching each episode to see which girls have or do not have actylic nails! (harder than you think) I also know she is a brunette and not a blonde from said clips. They have since stopped showing these clips! So, I have my own theories.

Natalie* said...


you little snake! now i'm obsessed with finding out the falsie-free girl!!!

aaaaahhhhh! good eye, lady!

shannon said...

i am quite sad he got rid of all the train wrecks...they were so awesome to watch! and i totally did not get nikki's gelled sideburns, what's up with that?

liso. said...

HOT MESS is right. why oh why do we love it so?

"french kiss my dog" ?!?!?

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