3.09.2009

a fish tale | part one


reasons why fish creep me out
scuba | part one

on a family trip to maui, i (at sixteen) decided it would be incredibly
lovely to do a deep sea scuba dive, mermaid-style
(which is apparently illegal now unless you're scuba certified).

we trained on the beach.
we trained in the pool.
we checked our equipment,
went over the hand signals,
loaded our gear and launched into the deep blue sea.

almost immediately, my goggles fill with water.
i fix that.
we descend further and further
and i practice my most ariel-like mermaid moves.
i'm darting and twirling and checking out my new oceanic friends-
trying to find nemo and flipper.

soon, i notice water is filling my breathing tube.
not wanting to "make waves," i decide to take shallow breaths, keep calm, and carry on.
.do-able.

next, our fearless instructor whips out a fish- feeding bag and asks me
to carry it on our journey.
i'm a little agitated by that..... how can ariel do tricky moves with a feed bag!!??
soon.... i feel little nips all over my body....
i realize there is a small hole in the feed bag.
suddenly, i'm swarmed with starving fish eager to eat my food,
my flesh, my bikini, anything....
ouch.

i gasp for air and try to signal for help!!

the breathing tub-y-thing fills with water.

fish.
bites.
no air.

full panic attack ensues...

i peace out and swim for the surface,
ditch my gear on the beach and wait for my group...

later, once i'm de-waterlogged.

i frolic in the waves
(truth be told, the only reason i dragged my soggy self off the beach
was the hot older boys who were surfing nearby. )
when suddenly, i'm smacked down and drug under the surf
(norton, you can appreciate this...)
and stripped of my bikini.

did you know terry cloth bikinis expand when wet?
they do....

and they get lost when stolen by the hawaiian surf.

naked and waterlogged with fish bites stinging from the salty water.
not my finest day.

and that's the reason i say nay-nay* to surfing and scuba diving.

part 2: sushi | coming soon....

*ipt: john pinette
pic found {here}

22 comments:

em ♥ russ said...

part one= my worst nightmare.

p.s. my family has this VHS tape of children in overalls and brightly colored polos singing LDS primary songs... that wouldn't be you would it?

Lauren's blog said...

I wouldn't like fish much either after going through all that!! What a funny story!

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Truly terrifying experience! No wonder you are scared!

Jourdan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jourdan said...

I'm with you. I'll stick to land, thanks.

Also, it was nice to meet you at Pizzeria 712 a few weeks ago! I had to say something when I saw you...otherwise you would have been wondering why the creepy girl at the other table kept staring at you while you ate. And nobody likes THAT kid.

King Family said...

i am so sorry, but i still laughed. a lot.

dubya said...

...but you need to tell us how you made it out of the crazy surf back onto the beach!!! I can tell this story has so much more to it!

Shayda said...

Oh geez. I'm sixteen now, and if that happend to me, I'd cryy a lot lol.

Carla said...

I agree with dubya! How on earth did you make it back out of the water? One of the funniest stories ever!

andrea said...

Hilarious. Thank you, I needed a good laugh after my day. And someone has your primary song video?! That is almost even funnier! :)

Ang said...

funny story natalie, you never disappoint! ...really a terry cloth bathing suit?

Proud Momma said...

So what happened after the ordeal? Did you just stay in the water and wait for help?

KSBL said...

wow. that got me scared of ever going in the ocean again!

can't wait for the sushi part...

nicole hill gerulat said...

jourdan!

i'm so glad you said hello! you're beautiful and it wa so nice to meet you.

what did i do?

i layed boob-down in the lava rocks and screamed for my sisters who were about 30 ft away building sand castles.... they ran out with a towel and wrapped me like a burrito.

horrifying.

nicole hill gerulat said...

ugh. that's me... natalie... not nicole.... she's still logged in on this computer... the twit.

heidi and tom said...

thank you for confirming the reason I will NEVER participate in such activities...i am terrified of being underwater with sea creatures. oh and p.s. the idea of swimming with dolphins and whales FREAKS me out too.

Martha said...

Oh wow. I laughed so hard. Your stories are THE BEST!

I'm Natalie. said...

I sincerely hope that when you say Norton you are referring to me. Did I tell you that story!?!! Oh my gosh! I will never forget the feeling of utter humiliation. I still want to die every time I think of that! ARGH!

Natalie* said...

uh, yeah, nats.
that one was for you...

knew you FELT my pain.

Lindsee said...

That. Is. Hilarious.

I have a fear of the ocean...but not because of a tragic story...just because I am a whimp. I have no shame.

I'm Natalie. said...

I sure did feel your pain and the warm breeze on my nether region.

Rae said...

Holy sin....I'm going diving for my first time next month and now I'm all scurred!!
I had a (not really) but sort of similar experience. Not nearly as bad, but had a boob COMPLETELY fall out of it's cup as I ran (TOTALLY clueless) up to the beach, laughing because the water was SO cold. Had no clue till I got closer to my (thankfully) girlfriend who was pointing and laughing (so hard she couldn't get the words out.) Woops.