7.11.2009

how NOT to pose in your engagement pictures | part 1

wedding season is upon us!
being mormon (our people get married young!) with 4 sisters, we receive an abnormal amount of wedding invitations every year.

we love them.

see, for those of you who live on the east coast, it is customary for most mormon weddings to include a pic of the engaged couple (which is often helpful since guest lists are large and the names of the betrothed may escape you--for the record, if you are invited to my future wedding, you will know both bride and groom and we may even be in your fav 5, we'll be that tight).
to the mormon audience: many east coast invites are sans pics (tradition, i guess?).

anywhooo.... inspired by a "what not to do" list i composed for b's engagement photo shoot (which turned out to be lovely) , sussy and i have collected our favorite engagement poses over the years and re-created them for you (to avoid embarrassing our friends).

you're welcome.

note: models kara and jeff are NOT engaged. i think they're in "like." and because they're both so pretty, the photo may appear to be a good one.... but look closely....

sussy disclaimer: if she has or will ever put you in one of these poses, she is sorry. please forgive her.




the" fern/tree/strange object coming out of grooms head and bride doing a tentative knee-sit to avoid groom feeling full weight of his betrothed's bottom" pose.
awkward.




the "we're so FUN!" cheerleading pose just looks painful and strange.



the "we're trying to be different between the legs pose" just looks like he's checking out the upward view. inappropriate.

the "turn me vertical and you'd find us in a very compromising position/ lift and separate the booty" pose. yikes.

the " i checked his portfolio before i accepted the date/gratuitous showing of the rock" pose.
tacky.


again, "the gratuitous shot of the rock + hips without space for the holy bible" pose.

the "awkwardly sexual vampire" pose.
act out your edward fantasies at home. don't pay $1.00 to send it to me.


the "stalker" pose. creeeeeepy.


the "prone two-headed moster" pose.
one body. two heads.

the "salem witch death-by-pressing" pose.


the "we're so fun!" pose.
cheeseball!

oooh! a combo!
the "gratuitous rock show + inappropriate turn-it-on-your-side" pose.


the "stronghold wrestling" pose.
he's MINE!!!!

the "where is your hand?" pose.
hmmmm... he's just giving it a jaunty hang and it looks like he's cupping.


the "mid tackle" pose. note the clawed fingers. poor guy.



the upright "two headed monster" pose.
best when featured in the same color shirt.
bizarre.


the dual "is there a baby on board?/Heimlich maneuver" pose.
uncomfortable either way....takes me back to prom posing with dead eyes.

if you are brave enough to submit your own hilarious engagement photos or if you'd like us to re-create a real jewel (so as not to offend the clueless bride and groom), please email your submissions to
nataliekhill@aol.com.

64 comments:

Jana Neser said...

This is the awesome. You guys are hilarious!

Colleen said...

Fantastic post, love it!

My favorite actual invite was the "holy cow, check out that obviously silicone cleavage!" photo that ended up in my kitchen drawer rather than on my fridge with the rest. Yikes!

Chess said...

There's a Facebook group called Engagement Photo Critics United (or something) where people upload engagement photos and everybody tears them apart. Occasionally, the pictures are really good; other times the photos are horrendous and the comments are hysterical! Much like your commentary here! :)

becca schwartz said...

um, this is amazing. and i've experienced many such utah/mormon invite gems. i'll have to rummage through mine and perhaps submit one of them. PRESH.

Lauren's blog said...

This post is hilarious! After 4 years of attending BYU I have received my fair share of awkward wedding announcements...yikes! Hopefully people read this and don't make these same mistakes!

Emily said...

a.maze.ing. loved it! have some to email to you... i save all of my announcements too!

Annie said...

Hilarious. Love it!

One of my favorite poses (although I don't have a photo around anymore to demonstrate) is the mind meld where the couple are touching foreheads and looking so ferociously at each other, they look like they should be in a bad sci-fi movie.

Can't wait for part deux.

Thao said...

These are great!! Thankfully, we just got our engagement photos back and our photographer avoided all those poses (though we MIGHT have inadvertently slipped into a few of them ourselves).

Whitney Elizabeth said...

next time, let's over photoshop them for a more realistic feel :)
love these.

Grace said...

These are hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

Cherry Blossoms said...

HILARIOUS! SO FUNNY!

Millar said...

I have some fabulous ones...watch for my e-mail. This post needs to be sent to the photographer that took my pictures. Awful

Josh and Kandice said...

My engagement pictures are AWFUL. For some reason I thought we needed to be wearing the same color of shirt like we were going to a girls' choice dance...what was I thinking? I'll send you some.

Fashionably Kate said...

Seriously.. that is HILARIOUS.

Shannon said...

There is this awesome fb group called "Awkward Engagement Pictures Rock My Socks"...there are some real inspirational *gems*

Angenette said...

hilarious! thanks!

Kate said...

You must include the pose where their backsides are facing you and they're holding hands and looking at the camera over their shoulders. No one needs to see your backside in your engagement photos. This is awesome.

Shari said...

Favorite Post Ever!!!!!!! My family does the same thing when we get announcements. It makes my heart happy to know that we are nto the only ones who mock the sheer awkwardness that is Mormon wedding announcement!

The Socialite said...

hahaha these were awesome! Great job. ;)

Hirano Hapa-nings said...

This is the BEST! I laughed and laughed 'til my sides hurt. I have seen so many of these over the years.

And, glad to say my engagement photo years back was none of these poses.

Emmie {orange + barrel} said...

Love it. The two headed monster is my favorite. I love that it is usually used to cover that the groom actually weighs less than bride, but it just turns out awful.

camille said...

yes! yes! yes! i absolutely adore this post. oh, i've lost count on how many times i have been criticized for freaking out on horrible engagement photos. there are some ridiculous ones out there.

thanks so much! you made me laugh

Scrappycook said...

Hysterical! One of the funniest invite photos I have ever received was for a freakishly tall basketball player and his 5'1" bride. They were standing next to each other with her gazing up at the skyscraper that was soon to be her hubby. We posted the photo in our living room and of course as horny little BYU virgins, the photo led to many late night discussions on the logistics of their wedding night. Hysterical.

Macy said...

This made my day.

Gretchen said...

as someone who is getting ready to take engagements, i found this very helpful ;)

Stevi said...

LOVE this post. My roommmate and I like to make fun of horrible engagement photos, glad to know lots of other people do!

The "we're so fun!" pose is my favorite, My friends and I used to think that was cute and take pictures of us doing that when we were 9......

Thanks for this and keep them coming!! I will email you any crazy awful engagement photos I get.

heidi and tom said...

I'm guilty of the "stronghold wrestling pose" engagement picture. But it was ten years ago...I didn't know any better :)

heid

Amanda said...

thank you for this. bum day and bored at work.. i actually laughed loudly!

Tracy-Girl said...

hahaha! this is so funny!

marierin said...

Sad thing is, I've seen ALL of these in wedding invites before. I am a terrible critic when the invites start rolling in. Thanks for the post.

Cherie said...

OMGosh these made me laugh so hard!! How many of these have I truly seen on LDS wedding announcements is the sad thing.

Funny! Thanks for the laugh today!

Emily said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

I have seen more than my fair share of these over the years.

I almost peed my pants looking at these.

Not kidding.

Rudi said...

I just want to send my appreciation for your use of the phrase 'dead eyes'.

My favorite was the "we're trying to be different between the legs pose" simply because I don't believe someone actually did it.

Also- tell your friends they LOOK good together, so dating will probably be a good idea.

Meg Fee said...

oh my gosh. brilliant. the prone-two headed monster--laughed out loud. a lot. really loud.

Melanie said...

You have inspired me to look back at all the "weirdness" that goes into wedding invites, I have a few new ones (this year 2009) you have got to look at...! Is it weird that I keep all my wedding invites people have sent me?

kara said...

So I think what we need is a sampling of good poses. Because honestly? I can't really think of any poses I've seen OTHER than the ones you showed. Except just the plain old head-and-shoulders-next-to-each-other kind. Which is fine but always reminds me of a realtor partners business shot or something. So please share some good "poses" (I'm assuming that the less it actually looks posed, the better, no? is that what we're getting at here?). Thanks!

lil mama said...

My fave is the stalker.

Yes.

Busty LaRue said...

OMG! I about died because I think our photographer put us in pretty much every single one of those poses during our engagement shoot 4 years ago!!

Rose Red said...

These are great! I was fortunate enough to have really great engagement pictures taken.

I love your blog!

Lindsey said...

LOVE IT!!! ha ha ha. Can't wait for more

danika jane said...

um, so i'm depressed now since pretty much our engagement photos included ohhhhh, 90% of these ridiculous poses. :(:(:( our photographer was a joke.
now i'm going to go cry.

AMa said...

Please post an engagement photo or two that is up to par, so I can see what to strive for, as I am doing an engagement shoot next week.

Susy said...

Hilariously funny!

EMiLy said...

okay okay.... these are SOO funny! my friends and i also enjoy critiquing the crazy poses and just invites in general... SO, here's my question. I am taking engagements this weekend! what IS a GOOD pose?! :)

Shop Girl* said...

BAHHA I am preeeeetty sure I have at least half of these poses in my fridge photo collection... AMAZING.

bradget said...

I totally used the fiance attack as our announcement. But I swear to you it was the only picture out of 500 that his eyes weren't closed.

And I agree with the other posts... you need to do a post with good engagment poses!

Katie said...

You and Nic kill me! Those were all too good.

Mary Ann said...

Love these!!!

Grand Pooba said...

Oh my gosh that is hilarious, I stopped over from Lindsey's blog and I'm glad I did! Love the two man pyramid!

Erica said...

You are a woman after my own heart, please enjoy my collection of awkward mormon wedding announcements:

http://tartraz.blogspot.com/search?q=collection

Tara said...

ohmygosh, i have one i want to submit so badly! we got the announcement over the weekend. let me lead off by saying the announcement wording was done in a medieval theme, all "here ye here ye" and such (this is a temple wedding, too). the "picture" is actually a sketch/outline drawing of their heads...and the groom's hair is longer than the bride's hair. i would send it in but i fear someone who knows them might recognize it. just bask in that description and try and see the look of terror on my face when i opened it!

rachel said...

oh crap...i hope i never posed my bro and his fiance in any compromising positions like that...i'm going to have to check.....eeek!!! Friggin hilarious! these may all be my favorites!

kayla & tyler said...

hahaah this is so funny!!!! i HATE pictures when the guy is BUTT CUPPING the girl. I even have seen the guy holding the girl in the air WHILE butt cupping. it's so awkward. these made me laugh so hard! thank you!

jg said...

If I get one more invite with the couple standing by an old train, barn, or dilapidated car, I'll scream.

alexismunoadyer said...

oh man.

I now am so sad i have not kept the amazing flyer-like invites from last summer... Costco can make you a flier/invite/picture all on one piece of paper!!! yuck.

There was one with a squatting awkward kiss, one with the groom ripping his shirt open to reveal spiderman costume underneath, and one with the couple skipping and the guy looked VERY femme...but you know some people are into that. good for them for having the cajones to send that to 400 people their mom knows.

thanks for the laughs!

jesi haack weddings said...

oh my gosh. perfect. you forgot the "i'm sitting in the sand/ocean and my fiance is sitting on top of me straddling me and this is way too private for anyone else to see" pose!

Carol said...

hilarious post! I am taking notes for what NOT to do!

Jenna Baker said...

these were just so hilarious. I love these pictures. Kara is such a doll. She looked gorgeous even in these incredibly awkward poses :)

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Adhis said...

The "prone two-headed moster" pose had me laughing out loud!

"one body. two heads."

Oh, so funny.

wooda006@bama.ua.edu said...

thank you so much for these! i am so sick of looking at people's engagement albums on facebook that are verging on softcore porn! it's gross and inappropriate! and the cheesy "aren't we a hoot?" photos make me want to vomit.

sweeticedtea said...

Can you PRETTY PLEASE do one of these for preggers photos? If I see one more daddy-to-be holding a naked tummy, I'm going to vom.

Super funny! Also, no matter what the photographer insists, do NOT kiss in engagement photos. It always looks gross. (Speaking from experience. It's too embarrasing even to send in.) And trust me, it's not just relegated to Mormons, because I've got a fridge full of 'em, and I don't know any Mormons (in real life that is, but I know a couple in the bloggy world)!

Sarah said...

Pretty sure I must've done at least half those posses. ;)

Jenny P said...

Sooo funny!