Ok Bach fans…..as soon as you begin reading this you will quickly realize this is not the professional post-game analysis you are used to. Apparently Nat “had to be away in Jamaica” so she asked me to be her “guest bachelor blogger” for the night. While you definitely won’t get the same insider view (im not FB friends with every bachelor/bachelorette hopeful from days gone by like our friend Nat) hopefully you will enjoy a few words from a very faithful (hate to admit I have probably seen every episode from every season) very Straight male.
Who doesn’t love to travel and more importantly who doesn’t love to travel with gorgeous people who don’t have to work and have incredible adventures planned and paid for but I have to admit I am getting a little sick of the miraculous metaphors of love on zip lines, rappelling sessions down the side of sky scrapers, helmets and harnesses on almost every date, exploring caves, and death defying NASCAR loops (shame on you producers last week). All the while hearing professions of love like the one from Chantel O on the zip line tonight saying “this is the perfect date for brad and I to get back on track” or “it’s a different position having my legs wrapped around brad…but something I am going to have to get use to.” By far the most classic quote of the night came right up front with Chantel O saying “I’ll see you on the other side nice and wet.” I could just hear Michael Scott yelling “That’s what she said…”
What was with Brad and the rain comments…..” does rain make you go faster,” “would I be scared in the rain,” “i'm taking that girl and the rose out of the rain….” and maybe the cheesiest line of the night “we aren’t rained out we are rained in.“ Straight to the suite….ridiculous.
But the cheese and hilarity of the metaphors were not to be out done by the continued craziness of Michelle “not so” Money. Who saw the insane stares she was throwing out, especially on the rappelling trip? I have to admit I love listening to the self proclaimed expert explain exactly why every other girl in the world is wrong from her man. I swear I thought she was going to cut the rope on half the girls as they leapt off the waterfall of love.
I have to say that I saw some glimpses of a brain in Brad‘s comments about Michelle tonight…“what I don’t like is when Michelle gets pissed off at me over nothing.” Props to Brad for not giving out a rose on the group date…everyone signed up for the show…everyone knows he is dating everyone…give the drama a rest girls!! But drama is what ABC does best.
Kudos to Brad for raining on Michelle’s parade a bit. All the “I am supposed to” and “I just know” sounds like crazy Utah Speak…haha (all you Utes don’t freak out….I am not hating…I lived in Utah for a few years and loved it) but I mean seriously, Michelle do you really “know” this is it…good for Brad for not letting that craziness go. So much for “taking matters into my own hands” give me a freaking break Money! To be fair, although Michelle does show signs of nuttiness, the Gestapo at the cocktail party investigating the meaning of certain comments seemed a little staged. Not to mention Chantel O’s profession of true love for Brad (how about that Betty Rubble Flintstones throw-back outfit)…did anyone else puke a little?
For me the most painful event of the evening was watching Brad break Ali’s heart….ouch! She seemed so nice and I think she was really thinking the date was going well…even though we were all feeling awkward watching it……I mean, Brad started into the “cutting you loose” speech and Ali was responding like he was throwing the I love you vibe out. Tough to watch, but a fairly graceful exit for both loosing contenders tonight.
While the producers may go over the top a bit on bringing people’s fears to the forefront just to be conquered miraculously on an amazing over the top date; they do know how to create situations that make us laugh, yell back the foolishness we are witnessing and even, on the rare occasion, think “wow…that would be pretty cool..” So, all you bachelor fans, cheers to Anguilla….and the sure certainty of more drama and entertainment to come!
walker
2. You're right Brad, Costa Rica IS magical.
3. These resorts they stay at are insane.
4. Flip Cam in the airport, over it.
5. "I clearly did not grow up in a jungle" -thank you Emily. Duh.
6. This resort is unreal. I need to go stay there.
7. Why are these women always in lounge clothes? And they aren't even cute ones. Well, Michelle's Lulu top is, but shes worn it like 15 times an ep. I hope shes washing it.
8. Make him fall in love with you, Michelle? Make him? You are so crazy and controlling.
9. Why is Britt always in neon?
10. Yes Michelle, BE PATIENT. Take your own advice.
11. Is Chantal really ready to go on a date? Shes wearing an Old Navy tanktop and her hair in a butterfly clip. I dressed better than this when i WORKED on the show. You guys are on TV!
12. Not a flattering tank either...makes her look like she has a belly.
13. Emily's hair looks great and less barbie than normal. The jungle looks great on ya, girl.
14. Chantal does her makeup like a highschool senior.
15. Zipline. The outfit makes sense now. Sort of...
16. Yes, Chantal. Ziplining in the rain is just like a relationship.
17. I promise im not ALL negative, but men, stop wearing Polo shirts unless youre golfing or a father of 3.
18. Who is Alli? Seriously i hardly remember shes been around.
19. Wow Brad, thank you for getting out of the red polo and into that man shirt. Good choice.
20. Its not really a surprise that its raining in Costa Rica, is it?
21. Brads happy about the rain so he can get Chantal in his suite.
22. What the risky business?
23. This is ridiculous. He is in his "comfys" and he gives her a button down shirt and no pants? I mean hes got to have a pair of basketball shorts, right?
24. Chantal is pretty. There i said it. She still bugs me though.
25. Is it just me or is Michelle's hair the same color as her skin?
26. Love this latin music they are playing the background.
27. Repelling down a waterfall, huh? I'm not like Ms Adventure but that sounds rad.
28. HAHAHAH Michelle is NOT happy about repelling.
29. There she goes bitching about it.
30. Jackie looks like shes going to cry.
31. You DON'T look good doing it, Shawntel. You look like a ragdoll.
32. Those helmets look like batters helmet. And Jackie looks like the MVP of the softball team.
33. If youre going to be on the bachelor do you have to be afraid of everything? Is it a pre req?
34. Michelle is BEATING HIM. Her "playful" side is mean, not cute.
35. Hot springs. I wonder if they smell like the Hot Pots in utah.
36. LOVE Emily's suit.
37. Classy mouth blur, Michelle.
38. "Im just trying to make everyone feel happy, but its next to impossible" Yes Brad. Its impossible to take 6 women on 1 date and have it go great.
39. HAHAHA Michelle lounging on the rocks.
40. Ooooh Emily! You're sabotaging this!
41. Is that her makeup smeared all over or is she wearing a masquerade mask now?
42. Brad's huge cross tattoo is gross.
43. Seriously Alli? You're afraid of bugs more than ANYTHING? What about rapists and murderers and natural disasters?
44. They heard Alli scream from their date? Hilarious.
45. Good Brad. Call out Michelle. I think hes starting to figure out shes nuts.
46. Why is she wasting her time with Brad to talk about Chantal? That never works out ladies...
47. Now she goes in for the kiss cause she has nothing else to say.
48. Brad left that date pissed.
49. What if Alter means human sacrafice and Michelle kills everyone?
50. I don't understand why the ponies are along for the ride.
51. Its going to be a date that is covered in bugs, they always pull that crap.
52. How did they get the camera crew into this tunnel?
53. I actually don't blame Alli, the bats are disgusting, i would be freaking out too.
54. Brad says he will protect you, but if a bat bites you you'll get rabies and die, right?!
55. Those stairs in that cave are rad. Good thing they hiked in those candles
56. Fresno is probably the worst place to live in California...this chick better say yes to this poor gent in the purple sweater. HE WENT TO JARED.
57. They look like they are dining at the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland.
58. Alli is dull. She is also Jennifer Garner's younger BIGGER sister. But still pretty.
59. We're sinking and so is this date.
60. Hey EVERYONE braid your bangs. Its cool.
61. Alli, when you talk to Brad you should look into his eyes.
62. Just tell her its not there and cut it off.
63. She makes annoying crying, sniffling noises.
64. They just showed her age! How come they haven't shown the ages before now? Shes only 24, shes a young thang. Don't you worry girl, you will find someone else to sink with.
65. Ladies at the hotel, you just said you all thought she was going home, so why the gasps when they came to take her luggage?
66. Hola...and commercial. ITS MICHELLE!
67. And again, another braid. Inside out french braid only pulling hair from the left. Just in case you were wondering.
68. Is Michelle a matchmaker now? OOOOoooh i would love to hear what Patti Stanger thinks of her.
69. Is she unbuttoning his shirt? What the slut?
70. He loves her craziness. She is so manipulative but i dont think she thinks she is.
71. Chantal's dalmation/leopard dress is NOT flattering or cute. Someone needs to teach her to dress.
72. Back peddle Emily! He wants you!
73. Brad looks like a blond version of my Jr Prom date, Matt Anderson.
74. Michelle's dress is gorg minus all the weird straps.
75. You should be scared, M.
76. She is trying to manipulate him, but he ain't buying it!
77. He said 10 steps back, not just 2, sweetheart.
78. Chantal don't get Michelle started or she will pull out a knife and CUT A B. It's not safe.
79. Shawntel looks pretty and i love the cut of her dress but i wish it wasnt satin.
80. Silent game is for teachers to play with their 2nd grade students. This is dumb.
81. Tongue kissing on tv is yuck. I dont want to see anyones tongue. Especially when its touching another tongue. Yuck.
82. Good calling out Michelle...and yes she does say names and throw you ALL under the bus.
83. You keep it real, M! Keep it real!
84. Big L bomb, Chanty. Good for you, girl! Now go change out of that hideous dress.
85. Love of Sacrifice...how real and well put.
86. I think its going to be Jackie....maybe Brit, going home.
87. Emily may have the biggest, fakest teeth, but she is SO pretty.
88. Ashley gets the first rose? Huh? Eyebrows will forever bug me. Don't forget it girls, they frame your face! DONT OVERPLUCK.
89. I hope Britt gets a one on one next week that includes dinner, so we will atleast know she eats.
90. and Michelle FOR THE WIN!
91. Jackie, you're sweet. But thats about all you've given us.
92. I wonder what kind of art she does. Does anyone know her?
93. Just saw Shawntels shoes. LOVE THEM. NEED THEM.
94. Anguilla? Im so jealous.
11 comments:
I had to laugh because about 80% of your friends comments were the exact same as mine and my friends! I'll be a guest poster any time you need it :)
Ha ha! Those were both awesome!
I LOVE THIS!!
love the guests! they should come back, esp the girl!
hysterical! #89 was by far my favorite. Brit is a skeleton with really bad taste! Ew.
Ok, Walker is frickin hilarious. I really enjoyed his recap the most out of all recaps, no offense. It was a perfectly written synopsis of the episode and I actually read all the way to the end. Guys perspectives of things are just so funny. You really need to date him.... even though I don't know either of you. But I am Mormon and we just know these things....
Love it! I do know Walker and think he is the best. I would love to know his thoughts on the date with Brad and (funeral director/embalmer) Shawntel...Ha!
Loved the guest reviews! LOL on several of Walkers comments!! Hope you are having fun Nat! Miss you!
hahaha! shauna/shavs, you are HILARIOUS. loved your recap! aside from a fear of everything, i think the bachelor pre-reqs also include:
1. must love swimming ALL THE TIME
2. must enjoy jumping from high places
3. must have ginormous breasts, preferably fake
(duh)
Oh this was fun to read. I always enjoy Tuesday mornings coming to your blog to read these recaps. So hilarious, but ever since I began reading your blog and these recaps I want to do the same thing because it just makes the show so much more entertaining, especially when there is huge amounts of awkwardness.
Haha I loved this! Isn't it so funny how worked up AND wrapped up we get in the Bachelor?!
Love love your blog!
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