{ the bachelorette } episode 4| just phuket!

kiss the girl.
or don't.

  1. you guys, i'm like seriously missing bentley and stuff.
  2. no. seriously. he was good material.
  3. nothing more fun than a mormon douchebag.
  4. did you talk to ashley, chris? did the two of you decide to go abroad? what a novel and timely idea.
  5. phuket. if you pronounce it phonetically, it's really funny.
  6. that little boat ride looks pretty tumultuous.
  7. she has to be dying over these bentley confessionals.
  8. look at that awkie that wife beater is! just cut up too high.
  9. i am LIVING for "annie"... she sounds like the asian gals at anjela johnson's nail salon, "beautiful nail."
  10. ben f's fugly fro is gonna look a lot better in this humidity.
  11. i would like for V to take me to thailand.
  12. they listen to sweet club music in thailand.
  13. constantine and ben f are the same person.
  14. ew. sweaty boys in gay v-necks.
  15. yuck! is that sweat on the back of the grey shirt? what did i tell you kids about light grey + sweat?! sick.
  16. that kid has baaad hair.
  17. think, ash! what are you (/the producers) gonna do ?! what's your rain day plan??
  18. hawaiian shirt? um... dude, are you baked? you're in thailand.
  19. sacred temples: "cute" says bachelorette. entire country vimming.
  20. he'd actually be a decent looking caveman if he had better hair.
  21. sweet soccer flips! where are your umbros, man?!
  22. we should play a drinking game with "cute"
  23. that guys orange shirt matches his skin.
  24. jb looks like a military man in that green shirt.
  25. nice beer koozie
  26. i'm so fun! i'll go downtown in orange shorts!
  27. aren't i wild and crazy?!
  28. i'm bored with him.
  29. ugh. i can only hope bentley comes back to stir things up.
  30. you guys, i'm with all these hot guys in this cute new country! but my hear(silent T) is still with bentley. #whitegirlproblems
  31. why would you talk to another guy about your deep and abiding 2 day love with the mormon douchebag?!
  32. sweet comb-over, dude.
  33. i like those earrings.
  34. they're obviously powdering her... why don't they help that poor shiny boy! i swear i can see the camera in the reflection of his forehead.
  35. you didn't stick your tongue down my throat so i can't tell if you just want to be friends, and stuff...
  36. look at all those fun GI's just sitting around having a cold one.
  37. is "relationship history" really a vital part of getting to know someone? discuss.
  38. she's giving me kelly kapowski feelings.
  39. he's certainly cute... rafael nadal sort of way...
  40. "perFACT"
  41. drives me nuts. reminds me of when i had a yoga teacher that i stopped going to because she'd say "AXEhail"
  42. cool turquoise ring.
  43. i want him to start calling him "connie" like i call my friend, mr. moroulis. all constantines should be taken down a notch.
  44. love when she speaks in the 3 rd person.
  45. why does she dress like daisy duke? i'd a appreciate a little more local costume flavor.
  46. a sarong is so-right.
  47. this orphanage service project is cool. they need to do more of that.
  48. who is that blonde dude.
  49. stop giving ashley credit for this... she set a soccer net on the grass that the producers handed to her... blerg.
  50. solar panels is bugging me.
  51. and the guys, i see...
  52. i like jp. he seems normal.. then again, he's on "the bachelorette"
  53. relatively speaking, of course...
  54. oooh caveman! what a personal touch! now work on that hair!
  55. cute kids.
  56. that guy with the flavor savor is totally a male stripper.
  57. jp you're a cute nugget.
  58. "she" made it possible? vim.
  59. nicole: no, people like shauna lewis made it possible. thank you PA's.
  60. back to the club music!
  61. yeah, i strongly dislike "solar panels." he's giving the "hard sell."
  62. ashley, stop being so damn dramatic. get a grip.
  63. did he just say "ruh roh!"??
  64. they look like they're eating each other.
  65. ooooh catty boy talk!
  66. word of wisdom from offensive josh lucas.
  67. does solar panels shave his legs?
  68. she's so needy and awkward with the guys she actually likes.
  69. ths rain glitters on his shaved head.
  70. nice, jp. way to crumble.
  71. i vote that he's in the top 2 .. if not winner.
  72. those poor set dressers! change of venue, candles that won't stay lit?! eff!
  73. screams of "foul play"!!!! foul! foul, i say!
  74. he walked her away to say that? what a weirdy.
  75. "i went [to thailand] alone ... .[ for obvious reasons... ]
  76. cooking school?! is that what they call it, these days?
  77. found it on the internet, huh?
  78. wait, isn't he the ivy leager?
  79. "last minute is the best minute." crossstitch that shiiii!
  80. i want to go to there.
  81. ames has a serious forehead, but i'd totally date him.
  82. even with those intense "sssss"- giving veneers.
  83. oooh those traps are puffy! is he wearing makeup?
  84. what are they eating?
  85. "intangible?!" i don't know what that means.
  86. #amesusesbigwords!
  87. he's pretty hairless...
  88. but that "culinary school" issue is a little concerning......
  89. her accent is killing me. "huzBAND"
  90. at rain, at sea, stung by a bee, covered in pee (thanks to bentley)... he's such a poet.
  91. he's cheesy but i like him.
  92. there is no list. just a feeling. go ames.
  93. ugh. he just said "indeed" like every other pretentious ivy leaguer i've ever dated.
  94. i like that he takes control of the time and leads the date.
  95. he is a cartoon.
  96. uh... ames... the "funny" you speak of still hasn't come out.
  97. is he gay? why didn't he kiss her?!
  98. wouldn't that be fun reveal! "no, i can't accept this rose....because i'm gay."
  99. stoooop talking about bentley!
  100. yikes! that dress would be disastrous on a girl one size bigger!
  101. her makeup is slightly softer. PLUS!
  102. good colors, set dressers!
  103. totally legitimate concern, ash. who wants to be 2nd best to the deceased wife's memory! that's tough.
  104. she's not that into wes. he's not a top contender.
  105. who is this divorced guy?
  106. he doesn't know who he is.
  107. cute but boring.
  108. good! another legitimate concern! "the love was lost" is a weak excuse....
  109. she's not feeling him.
  110. wait, who is ryan?
  111. solar panels? why don't they know my special nicknames?!
  112. i totally just got a glimpse of what solar panels is gonna look like at 60 and with an additional 70 lbs. not cute.
  113. he seems genuinely shocked!
  114. why is this guy telling him?! is he the councilor?
  115. is solar panels mormon?
  116. if he starts talking about the spirit, i'm going to throw my remote at the tv.
  117. yeah, your "woman's intuition" is pretty off.... maybe as off as maria schriver's, hillary clinton's, fuma weiner's..... too soon? (obvi, not these fine ladies faults... they just married douchebags.)
  118. that cheek shading is pretty offensively orange.
  119. i'm fast forwarding thru rose ceremony, but do i see somebody dressed as a lad from "seven brides for seven brothers?" shouldn't he do a barrel roll up to receive his rose??
  120. oook keep the cute jewish boy from new orleans!
  121. good girl! picker improving.
  122. bye bye west. i'm sure you'll find love. you were just kinda boring.
  123. hold your "button" ashley while he gets into the car in the distance....
  124. now......break for a cheers!
  125. poor guy.
  126. now i really really really want to go to thailand.
  127. they're bringing in a makeup artist!! hurray!
  128. oh what did i tell you! of course he came back!
  129. yessssssss! a reason to watch.
  130. please let her fall off his push up back.
  131. ooooh tests of strength are sooo sexy
wait... these are out of order, but you remember when this happened, right?
solar panels:
  1. did he just use a soldier justification?
  2. i mean, yeah... grateful to them, but that seemed to pander , no?
can't wait for bentley's return!


Shauna said...

thanks nic. PAs have the shittiest jobs. So glad that is no longer my life.

kelly : pinetothepacific said...

love these recaps! and, solar panels is def not mormon...i.e. a girlfriend of mine has a "history" with him, so i know a liiiiittle too much.

kallie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kallie said...

realized that sounded snarky...

I'm A. said...

Maybe a little snarky...but the link should still be posted. :)

I like Ames...even though he reminds me a little of "Hey You Guuuys" from Goonies.

Stephanie said...

Saw the original comment: it's okay, I don't have a monopoly on the words "Mormon" or "Douchebag" yet...

Natalie Hill said...

I'm not exactly sure what I'm being accused of... Pretty sure I've said both Mormon and douchebag tightened (much to my Mom's chagrin) for ages & the 3 blogs I read - little sussy, happy day & cupcakes & cashmere don't use those words..... Explain. I don't read other bachelor blogs...

Julie Weiss said...

Ames looks like Disney's Hercules!!!

Angenette said...

I just want to say thanks for the recaps. I've never seen this show but I decided to give it a shot this time. I watch with the recap over top of the window with the bachelorette and it makes me laugh. Like MST3K.

Natalie Sterling said...

i about DIED when i heard "Ruh Roh!" hahaha, gotta love a scooby doo impression while kissing. And I can't handle Ames, he looks like Brendan Frasier and it makes me want to vim.

Stephanie said...

I'm not accusing, someone said you were using the phrase "Mormon Douchebag" from a post I wrote last week on Mormon Child Bride. I was simply saying what you did: I don't have a monopoly on either word.

Sara J Low said...

GO TO THAILAND. I lived there for a little while. It's beautiful and so worth every penny to get there. It's perfectly beautiful. I would go again in a heart beat! The only issue... The food gives you a sick tummy for about a week. I hope they gave the bachelors and ash lots of medicine for the runny poops. (They just have different bacteria in Asia.)

Libby said...

i cant believe bentley is coming back, RIDICULOUS!! why would he come back if he hated her and wasnt attracted to her? it is bugging me!!

Anna M said...


I said the same thing about her "cute" call-outs to sacred temples. No, they are not cute.

it's actually getting interesting now.

megan... said...

84- they are eating dragonfruit- it was one of my favorite things to eat in Thailand. Yum. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonfruit

Deveny said...

Are. you. kidding. me.
They seriously are bringing him back?? Why wouldn't Chris intervene & just tell her what a d-bag he is? You know they all watch the confessionals.. BARF (but yes, I won't be missing it. hahaha)

And totally agree with Ames looking like Hercules!

Bree said...

Ames is totally the little twin from "little people, big world"-but he totally grew on me this episode.
I'm rooting for JP. If he's not the 'winner' I bet the producers are making him really likable to America because he's the next bachelor or something...

BeckyB.West said...

I'm a recent reader of your blog, thanks to your hilarious Bachelorette reviews! I think Ames looks like Harry Connick Jr. With jaundice. His coloring is so unfortunate.

heather marie said...

I totes thought you would list her awful orange arms and white hands, I believe from a beach scene with Constantine/Ben f. Whoever it was.... Definitely hit the rewind on that one just to double check!

Love love love your commentary!

Kristen said...

I now have a new favorite reason to watch the Bachelorette. I watch it to find things I just KNOW you will be commenting on. It's sort of a "spot the Nat comments."

Ames looks like Brendan Fraser to me. He has his mannerisms and everything. I was shocked you didn't comment on the beautiful blue lighting on the guys' faces. That was just per-FACT! Thanks for the laughs1

XOXO said...

I almost feel worse for Ashley after this episode than the last. At least Bently was ON last weeks show! Goo, I wanted to reach through my tv and wring her neck- she has GOT to let Bentley go!

**Intriguing sidenote; I was listening to the radio today in SL, and there was a girl on whose parents are friends with the girl Bentley is now dating. Apparently she is from Florida and they were on their way to FL to see her parents and when the girls mom found out who her daughter was dating she was LIVID and told her that Bentley had to stay at a hotel and wasn't welcome at their house.

audrey said...

i know nobody has much evidence that bentley is not a douche bag, but seriously, he's better than they're making him out to be. there has to be at least a percentage of editing. yes, he's always been a bit arrogant and for sure is hung up on a certain type of girl, but he's really not the jerk they're making him out to be. he was always a good friend to me.

p.s. LOVE your updates : )))))) crack me up.

julianna said...

You asked if relationship history was important.

I used to think it was. But when I started dating my husband, he was reserved in talking about his past gfs. It slightly annoyed me. Until finally I realized all I was doing was comparing myself to those other women (specifically "THE girl." Most men have one in their past.) If he was so in love with her, how could I be like her to keep him as in love with me as he was with her?

Yeah, unhealthy. Eye opening.

He didn't want to be with her. She broke his heart. I'm sure she's lovely. I'm glad she helped him be who he is today. But she is "the girl" of the past. Now I'm "the girl" and (if things go as planned) always will be.

If we trust our partner and ourselves, I don't think we "need" to know (not that it's not okay to share! I'm speaking of NEED.) My 2 cents.

Sarah said...

I love reading your recaps of the episodes :)

Is it just me or was anyone else shocked by the height of the guys when they actually lined them up for the rose ceremony?! I though West was short and I thought William and JP were really tall!

JjHansen said...

k, I know I'm a bit behind on the times but I'm just catching up on the show online.
Did anyone else notice the HORRIBLE scalp itch Ashley had going on during dinner with Constantine? What was going on there?