Monday, December 19, 2011
girlfriends, loyalty and the ex-factor
girls are (generally) pretty loyal to their species...
i've definitely deflected a man's attention when one of my gals have previously expressed interest in that gentleman....
just because my gal feels a twitter about a certain male--even when he doesn't return her affection, should i keep myself from a possible love connection just because that man is spoken for?
on the flip side,
i once entertained a gentleman. he was beyond lovely, but i didn't feel a spark. we hung out a lot, but kissed only one time and i set the record straight.
i DID, however, have stomach fireworks with his roommate.... and he returned the affection but wouldn't step on the toes of man #1 and didn't....for YEARS. i felt it was horribly unfair to brand me especially when his friends were so terribly eligible and date-worthy.
but there does need to be some loyalty, no?
after my annulment, i found solace in a girlfriend who didn't know my former husband. she was a great shoulder to cry on and helped me in many a time in need.
six months later, when i was doing a west side story in chicago, she went radio silent. a few months later, she called me and told me she'd been dating my former husband- in fact, she had sought him out- and asked me advice on how to get him back after he had learned we were friends and didn't feel good about dating a close friend of mine (good guy!). initially, i tried to be the bigger person- i mean, who am i to stand in the way of a great love? but really? of all of the men in the world, you'd seek out my former husband who lives across the country?! i was crushed but thankful that he took the high road.
so let's define this, shall we?
if all really is fair in love and war, are there boundaries? should we be loyal? i'd certainly rather have a great partner in love than a mediocre friend.....
and as we all know, some besties are life long and some are circumstantial...
but here's how i see it:
if you are my good friend/ sister, don't you DARE think about going after my big ex's... don't touch mister, v, my ex husb, or really any major ex i've had in the last 10 years......
if you are my good friend and are interested in dating a fringe boy (who never made it to the big boyfriend show), just throw me a heads up and i'll be a-ok.
how do feel about it?
have you been down this road before?