the bachelor ben { episode 1--first rose ceremony }

i think i start this post the same way every year...

no, i'm not really interested in this season (heard that before), 

the CaveGroban (Ben looks like a caveman mixed with an ugly josh groban) just doesn't do it for me. 

my girl laura hall calls him "BAN"-- cause that's how whatshername from last season said his name... so we'll go with that instead of CaveGroban cause, well, it's just 3 letters and i'm lazy in my old age....

1. bachelor, my first request is that you pick a location where we don't have to watch the bachelors (or their families) profusely sweat during the proposal. nothing says true love like obvious perspiration. 
2. NICOLE! is that your old apartment that BAN just walked out of????
3. SOMEBODY's been tanning & hitting the gym......
4. i want his car.
5. coulda called these vineyard shots a year ago.
6. 
   
7. ok, kids. his hair is not the right texture for that cut. he looks homeless. make it short and let's be on our way....not curly, not straight.... totally fugly. 
8. ooooh nothing says broody like a guy fake playing the piano to SOMEBODY ELSES track. thanks, david gray. super moodytown. 
9. he really does look like a cave man. and i'm just gonna say it, groban is WAY better looking. 
10. if you were ashley, would you watch this? i totally would. 
11. yes, lindsey! stick that arse out while you ride, girl!
12. cute girl... baaaad baaad spray tan color. best to err on the side of pasty, kids. 
13. amber scares me... not just because she's fully loaded, but she has a crazy look in her eye. 
14. eeek! tongue move!
15. ooh i like this southern belle. Kacie is a doll. 
16. and a cheeseball with bad fake tan white armpits but i like her.
17. ooh courtney looks a bit like jackie seiden (anybody? anybody?). 
18. ew. she's gross. 
19. another nurse. with a really sad story! she's sweet. i'd love to fix her hair. 
20. she seems much older than 25 but 
21. lyndsie is a goof. i like her. nothing is funnier than when someone from the UK speaks in their version of an american accent. 
22. jenna, you need a better bra. or a bra in general. 
23. and better melding... looks really damaged. 
24. seriously, did they send a memo asking for all the girls to get bad tans and then over bronze?
25. playboy finance girl single mom! go girl! laaaaadies.... notice the intense blond on top & the dark hair under (i'll call it the "tracey turnblad") it's out. been out since, well.... tracey. it was never in.... 
26. texas girl is a doll. 
27. pretty bride. 
28. great legs. 
29. yes, ben. that many women coming to see you IS incredible. lap it up, dude. 
30. at least they put him in a decent suit. 
31. nice blow out, big guy (vim).
32. i like rachel rose. great dress. great bangs. 
33. poor erika is so nervous. 
34. ew. cheesy line, pageant dress.
35. amber bacon! she'e been practicing that script for a while. 
36. elyse didn't reveal that she' a trainer so that "make you sweat" thing was scary. 
37. jenna. awkward silence......great dress. horrible intro..... 
38. bad color on hair and skin. 
39. most awkward interchange of all time?
40. again, jenna.... wear a strapless bra and lighten up on the highlighter. 
41. ew model... too soon on the touches. he's floored. he's never dated a model. 
42. bummer hair, emily... bold move with the first kiss. cute. 
43. what?! the sash?! bad hair bad move. 
44. casey is cute. hate the dress. hate the hair. he's flustered by her. 
45. amber picked up that dress from miss puerto rico world. 
46. these gimmicks are killing me. 
47. derby girl, we can't see your face.
48. sextastic dress, southern belle!
49. i like jamie. that dress is a little wild...
50. shira needs to take an improv class... ew. she bought her dress in vegas.
51. blakely is gorg. 
52. you know i hate the feathers. #birdflu.
53. loved the dress. reminded me of my peaches and cream barbie. 
54. eff. another gimmick? must we suffer the indignity of watching a nearly octogenarian waste our girl bashing time?!
55. ok... pretty granddaughter could use a little tailoring on the front of that dress. 
56. that gramma hater reminds me of jillian. 
57. "sash, hat, and... a grandma"- quote of the night.
58. nicki is beautiful. 
59. dress courtesy of miss venezuela 2000
60. oooh dianna, i for see a nip slip. 
61. awkward. 
62. great color on all accounts, jennifer. 
63. good dress, j. 
64. cute numbers game. 
65. lyndsie is a total kook. what is that dress? 
66. i totally like her.
67. anna!!! porn star!
68. nice move... for a porn star. 
69. oh no!!! the crazy girl is from SLC. 
70. she looks JUST like a blonde sierra boggess. 
71. cute talk single mom, but what was the friend slug?!
72. ooooh good he commented on it too...
73. kacie looks fab. very sandy bullock.
74. cute linzie. yes, just leave the horse... he can find his way...
75. is that the war horse?
76. ooooh starting the bitchiness!
77. these girls are DRUNK.
78. kentucky derby needs to lose the hat. 
79. oh rachel sounds a bit drag queeny.
80. on closer inspection, rachel has a whole lotta piercings...
81. not as classic a look as i initially thought. 
82. i love these bold statements about ben and his character from a 30 second interaction. 
83. they're ALL SO DRUNK. 
84. linzi must have watched the kristen wiig flirting video to get those sweet hair moves. 
85. and that blondie with the grandma looks like a busted you, brandi burkhardt. 
86. it's broadway look-a-like bachelor today!
87. you've got to "cock it".....
88. so they def make these loonies bring a weirdo gimmick. 
89. peaches and cream has a matching tat with kasey! match made in reunion heaven!!
90. i like the line danching, kacie. 
91. drunk. 
92. i am laughing hysterically..."it's kind of hard to have a conversation when ben is blindfolded and being fed from a garbage sack."
93. infectious disease girl needs to keep the rap to 16 bars. 
94. it's still going....
95. she's talking about herself non stop. she hasn't asked him one thing. 
96. hair fetish. 
97. blogger is losing it. 
98. why is she attacking crazy sierra look-alike.
99. "i'm like switzerland." love kacie. 
100. a lezzie first? how forward, bachelor!
101. peaches is getting a little weirded out. 
102. druuuunk. 
103. why are the weirdies always from slc?! ugh. 
104. this blogger girl is crumbling in the first minute! 
105. it seems to me that the nyc freak show is the beginning and end of the drama?
106. oooh jenna is cray cray. 
107. oh gosh! she roped poor sandy bullock into the whole affair. 
108. please, ben. don't think sandy is in the cray cray club. 
109. i love the creepy carnival/tim burton underscoring whenever a crazy is on screen. 
110. she's crying in the first few hours?! give her the boot. 
111. i'm LIVING for jenna. wanna be carrie bradshaw basket case. 
112. oooookay. not a bad choice, ben. she's sweet. 
113. good dress. 
114. i like the dramatic peer around the corner. certifiable. 
115. she looks NUTS. 
116. i'm loving these cuts to jenna.... just house of cards.
117. oh, good hell! he kept jenna and dropped sandy bullock?!
118. jillian had to go home.. we've already seen her, amber bacon. good parting shot!!! "i'm gonna find a guy who doesn't like needy, whiny, cry-y girls."
119. no, you quirky brit. you're fab!
120. i love her!
121. amber, please stop crying! your bridget bardot hair is bangin!
122. hasn't anybody learned decency from the last seasons?! don't get trashed and you won't look like a fool!
123. oooh good! sandy bullock made the cut! that worried me when she was all hugging it out....
124. re the promo: his awkward naked dance into the water was amazing. 
125. yes!!!! a medic rose ceremony!!!!!!
126. this looks like carnage! 
127. ok. i'm in to watch. 
128. can you tell who the girls are?
129. it looks like nikki and sandy bullock? 
130. oooh good! the proposal is in Zermatt. at least no sweating. 
131. oooooh! drama!!!!! 
132. ok, looks to be some interesting twists. 
133. fine. i'll watch.
134. you did it again, bachelor!!!! (shakes fist at sky!!!)
135. i like the kickball game. hilarious. 

what did you think?