bachelor ben { episode 3 - the return of shawntel }

1. how many homes do you have, ben? one in napa.. one in san francisco? you're a regular world traveling lothario.
2. ben's sister is a lot cuter than he is. 
3. waaaait, wait, wait, wait... why are we downloading with sister this early? did i miss an episode?
4. why are those idiot girls holding hands? very asian. 
5. i'm not a fan of people calling the town "san fran." like when people say they're going to "nyc."
6. his hair is worse by the minute. 
7. sissy has cute style. 
8. my ex, ed, always puts his sunglasses on the back of his shirt.
9. that horse riding girl really needs to re think that hair color and fugly nude lip.
10. i really need a name brush up every week on these birds. i can't remember.
11. love "lifts us up"... hmmmm... coit tower? hot air balloon? 
12. emily has some crazy eyebrow situation..
13. yeah, i wonder before every date whether or not i'm going to pee my pants as well... totally normal. 
14. things you'll never see me doing if i were ever to be on THE BACHELOR: running.
15. you know they find the most freaked out heights girl in their interviews and schedule them for these stupid dates.
16. "trust and driving into the unknown"... how many more height cliches can we have....
17. how is this not illegal. 
18. i'd jump off the bay bridge before i'd do that. 
19. it's making my butt tingle just watching this. 
20. sussy's hands are sweating.
21. this is the scariest fear factor challenge IN BACHELOR HISTORY.
22. now my palms are sweating. 
23. i want to cry for her. no way. because then you have to climb down. 
24. nikki looks NUTS. 
25. please don't tell me he's going to kiss her.
26. and he does. oh you egomaniac, like that will fix it?!
27. great grape color in that confessional shirt.
28. oh, how many bridge metaphors do we have to suffer thru?!
29. it's a dress. pretty. she looks great. 
30. she must be freezing. he's in a double layer.
31. is he wearing lip gloss? oh.. wait, he kissed her. 
32. their chemistry seems a little more normal. 
33. older bro on match.com. classic. 
34. oooh, flirty lipgloss. 
35. i like her. she seems pretty normal. 
36. casey s- she's the mermaid we haven't seen at all. 
37. do they all have to shrug and open their mouths when their names are called?
38. "that handwriting [ on the date card ] looks like it's from a 14 yr old girl... so it's either chris harrison or ben who wrote it."- adam
39. "he looks so bored when the girls are talking.. like he's just waiting for them to finish their lines."- mom
40. heights girl is put together. 
41. she could tone down the flirty mouth bites. (did she watch kristen wiig's flirting video?)
42. "oooh she's a terrible kisser." -adam
43. eeew the whiney girls!!
44. emily is tall!
45. love the awkward runs in high high heels.
46. cheryl teigs sounds like a man. 
47. what the hell is a "leap list?"
48. nice car commercial...
49. oooh! where's danny tanner & uncle jessie
50. new honda cr-v... did you get that?
51. i love that they're all in beach wear. 
52. that's such a fun stunt!! 
53. how were they able to do this?! i'm into this date. i'd kill at this challenge. 
54. where are you skiing in ny, rachel?
55. i love that they're in bikinis. there's gonna be some indecent exposure when they eat it. 
56. i used to bikini ski in high school. spring skiing at sundance.
57. Kasey B is my favorite. 
58. "i hope she got a brazillian!"- nicole
59. stop trying to make "leap list" happen, ben. 
60. lindzi looks a wreck with that lip color. 
61. "she looks like a coked out julie bowen."- adam
62. who is brittney?
63. what is that ghetto necklace that you know she won't be able to keep. 
64. oooh she's sweet to tell her she'll have a good time. 
65. "brittney is the bentley of this season."- nicole
66. this is staged. 
67. nobody would be that crazy...
68. and that girl shouldn't be turning down ANY dates...
69. nicole and adam love the tonga room. 
70. tiki bars are cool again. i'm trilled. 
71. rachel.. that's cheryl teigs. 
72. she might be a man.
73. you know she tastes like ashtray. 
74. oooh come on, kasey b! sandy bullock would keep it together. 
75. i wish he'd just say, "please just stop being a crazy biatch."
76. instead, he smooches her. 
77. i like her. 
78. i hate to be catty, but that greasy haired, bad skinned, mascara mask is turning down a date, what is the world coming to?
79. please tell me she barges into the tiki bar!
80. blakely must have 100 different slut corsets to choose from. 
81. "does she know she has dead crows hanging from her ears?" -adam
82. brittney's accent is a mess. 
83. "expeshily" 
84. if THIS is the hardest decision of her life, um....
85. wait! she's the grandma girl?! she was so much cuter then!
86. sooo let's wrap this date up so i can pow wow with the producers and find out who my "second choice" is/ no worries, guys.... this was all staged anyway. 
87. why is imbalanced utahan sobbing hysterically. 
88. how many times do these idiots say "san fran."
89. lindzi, you were second choice.... factor that in. 
90. big arm swinger
91. i can't watch that lip color. 
92. "she talks with her hair."- nicole
93. oh, ben! you're just like macgrubber! a key and everything.
94. i'm jelly. 
95. i love matt nathanson. saw him in ogden of all places a hundred years ago...
96. if a guy said i had "potential", i'd run. 
97. you know ben had never been to this speak easy before. 
98. i appreciate the muffled horn tunes. very 20's.
99. i can not handle her speaking voice... she speaks in the back of her throat... on top of nodules. 
100. bless her heart, her hair is a disaster. 
101. and his hair, not surprisingly, is wretched too...
102. i don't even know what to say... this interchange is killing me. i can't stop laughing. 
103. "it looks like she's been deranged.. like she's been drug around the whole city by her hair."-mom
104. she's a complete woman, ben? as opposed to..... a hermaphrodite?
105. ok, liberache. 
106. oooooh, come on!!! more david gray?! you know he learned that ONE song and nothing else... like when dudes would learn "stairway to heaven" in high school. 
107. at least we don't have to suffer thru ben singing it. 
108. ooop another "ben and i."
109. nicole's so annoyed by everyone's "guards."
110. oooh right, the ex is just driving in casually to surprise him with no inclination that he's entertaining other women. 
111. oooh she's talking to harrison. got it. 
112. crazy cooter chantelle. 
113. "who's chris?"-mom
114. sandy bullock has great style. 
115. this gingie is aggressive.
116. mom is (again) really upset by her roots. 
117. "i have a good feeling about you." proverbial pat on the back. 
118. she's giving me mandy moore feelings. 
119. what if he ends this kiss & he's like ... ugh... i remembered it better.
120. isn't she the mortician?
121. ooooh yes, it's all coming back to me now. 
122. horrible jeans. LADIES, flourished pockets only make your butts look HUGE and saggy. take note. 
123. did she create a game gimmick?
124. "juvin-l"
125. "she's the kind of girl your boyfriend cheats on you with"... classic. 
126. model is a crazy pot stirrer.
127. i love that the phD said she has a personality disorder.
128. love the fuchsia cap sleeve... still haven't figured out who that girl is...
129. ew. he really likes the model. 
130. you know he just wants to say he dated a (self-proclaimed) "model."
131. she's not into him. she keeps pulling away. she's here for self promotion. 
132. babies?! what's her problem. 
133. shawntelle is a deludenoid.
134. her shoes are too big. 
135. tooooo many one shoulder dress.
136. eeeeeew!!!!!!! she has yzma boobs! wear a bra!
137. what? she just walks in casually?
138.  jaclyn is so gross.
139. good! he looks genuinely surprised!
140. that girl on the couch is giving LOOK.
141. lots of classy language. 
142. awkie that they're all just standing round.....
143. elyse is killing me with her fugly faces.
144. "the model is stunning"-nicole 
145. "she shouldn't open her mouth."- mom
146. there is nothing more awkward than this moment...
147. this is probably the only real moment that we've seen of ben. 
148. he's a lot more like-able. just stop "acting," ben. 
149. looove the hot pink girl. 
150. Kasey b is going to throw up.
151. who is erika?! she looks like she's in a grecian princess costume. 
152. love the chicago-accent screamer.
153. i like that they claim that they know him more than she does.
154. ooooooh erika is an insecure crazy cat!
155. these girls are aggressively nuts. 
156. why are they this upset? this is what they signed up for. 
157. "drains people's blood."
158. "brad's dumpster trash."... i'm loving this. 
159. model has lip filler. 
160. "shawntel rides in on her high herse." amazing. 
161. some of these gals have reeeeally ugly cry face. 
162. i want more of the girl in fuchsia 
163. "this is the stink -eye music."-nicole
164. he looks like a monkey in a suit. 
165. i love how they fit her into the class photo rose ceremony stance.
166. lindzi always speaks with her chin down. 
167. i tune him out when he's reading his lines. 
168. shawntel's druuuunk. 
169. why didn't court fix her makeup?
170. "what'sherbutt" ??? gross.
171. i stand by kasey/b sandy bullock for the win. 
172. ew. i don't like elyse.
173. what is that horrific red dress from 1988.
174. "on a scale from 1 to 10, i think i'm going to throw up." aaaaaahahahahahahah! 
175. "because she's a 1!!!"- what adam would have said but he went to sleep....
176. i love the convos  btwn rosed. 
177. greece is going down... good ploy!!! 
178. why is she clutching that girls legs?
179. i love a medic moment. 
180. the producers are THRILLED!
181. kasey's dress is fab. 
182. he needs to send greece home for that stunt. 
183. i love how their anger is pointedly directed at shawntelle.... and not the producers... 
184. compliments pre rejection? bachelor first!!
185. shawnie looks like she's going to murder him. 
186. aaaaah! i saw that coming. no final rose... another bachelor first?
187. love the water gestures. 
188. ew. that model is vile. 
189. he's totally dating her after this is over. 
190. things would have turned out her shawnie's favor if she'd worn a bra.
191. goood! gals, if a man rejects you, definitely question his manhood. 
192. oooh! they're coming to my people!
193. "they need a better bachelor."-mom
194. eeeew... miss greece is a music geek? what a freak. 
195. grosssssss..... mouth tattoo. 
196. i want to memorize that crazy monologue! she's nuts!

oh boy.... i kinda thought they'd keep shawntel for at least another ep... didn't you?