{ the bachelorette - emily } the muppet show

1. oook... so this week, i became more and more upset over how fugly all the guys are.... 
2. honestly. i'd kiss 2 if i was drunk
3. oooh right, farming out ricki to her besties?
4. i like that chris was just screaming "gentleman" at them. 
5. ryan's hair is so douchey. 
6. aaand he's the best looking. 
7. great. kalon is already losing it. 
8. sheesh! those body shots are pretty serious. 
9. does chris have inverted nipples?
10. i would scream if i got set up with chris.. not cause he's unattractive... he's just... ew.-madison
11. oooh emily got her lips freshly done!
12. no way! you don't bring a first date to your house. 
13. nice. eco friendly bags. 
14. this is obnoxious. just SOOO ordinary. 
15. this man hasn't had a gram of sugar touch his lips... you know he's all lean protein or bust. 
16. yeah, run for the hills? because cookies are so hard? what a trial!
17. oooh no! soccer practice! really protective mom to be the treat mom and have him watch from the white van window like a total pedophile. 
18. he's saying all the right BS and inside he's so pissed there isn't a helicopter. 
19. what pro sports is ryan training. 
20. yeah, emily's mom wear is date wear for me on a good night. 
21. suuure the poor single mom just driving a convertable astin martin?!
22. i wonder how much they had to pay those 30 people to be extras?
23. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO YELL ABOUT THE FROSTY EYESHADOW ON CAMERA?!?! IT LOOKS DATED AND FREAKING TERRIBLE! 
24. namaste.
25. i love when they talk about vague future terms aimed SPECIFICALLY at the other person. 
26. i'm bored with this relationship crap talk. ask about each others interests!
27. of course kalon "embraces the stage." what a tool. 
28. ryan is a smooth talker. wow!
29. can't wait to see him go in for a smooth kiss. 
30. she looks like a cater waiter in that white shirt. 
31. really? brad was too perfect? he had to talk to his therapist at every turn!- ali.
32. he looks older than 31. 
33. yeah, cause every guy wants to do a step and repeat. 
34. this is so asinine. i'd hate everyone just snapping pix while we're standing on a platform. 
35. cute hem on that dress. 
36. she's drunk.
37. i hate when they make them perform because a) actors/singers/ theatrical types totally turn me off and b) when they attempt to perform and they aren't good at it, they just look so incredibly foolish. 
38. BRIT ZEEDIK- LP says all these guys remind her of the "hot chocolate dater" and his siblings- 
39. these guys look like they're going to vomit. 
40. is charlie going to have a huge meltdown?
41. charlie is breaking my heart. 
42. he's so sweet. 
43. i have on good authority that jef-one-eff dates young girls in provo. 18 yr olds. 
44. ok, pervy kermit is getting weird. 
45. so strange. 
46. it's cool that they did this for charity. 
47. ricki i loving this. 
48. woof. i hate this. 
49. grey shirt is cute. is that "wolf?"
50. fierce flat iron blow out, piggy. 
51. oooh that sweet boy is sweating and bright red and so tender. 
52. you know he's getting the rose. 
53. go charlie!
54. this is the ultimate fear factor for him. 
55. i wish they'd support emily's huge jugs a bit more...
56. saggy low bra!
57. emily is an excellent actress! 
58. couldn't they have put her mic pack on her wide gapped inner thighs and not given her a hunchback?
59. can you imagine chatting with the muppets when you were ricki's age?
60. i hate that the boys keep watching from afar.... creepers.
61. I WOULD NOT GO OUT WITH HIM! i'd be IRATE!- madison
62. sweet louboutins, emily! you know, just your average single unemployed mom...
63. she's in love with utah! omg. she's throwing herself at him!
64. she want's to throw up right now over this 8th grade dancer. i've done that a million times and i just want to get it over with.- madison.
65. ew. the creepers. 
66. damn! those shoes!
67. it's GAME TIME! (cue: thunder sound effect)
68. she's said the same one line twice....
69. kalon needs to grow facial hair- madison.
70. this is such an awkward steal....
71. ew. kalon is bizarre. 
72. way to go jef-one-eff!
73. woah that dude's neon pink shirt matches his face. 
74. there's a good chance i always have fun when i fly private. 
75. is this just a car show, or what?!
76. is that car porn for the husbands?
77. green brier is cool. 
78. it kind of reminds me of Kellermans. where's baby houseman?
79. just wedding march in the background?
80. is that a betsy johnson swimsuit?
81. that loser just checked out his own boobs. 
82. ooooh and there's kalon's downfall with that emotion... don't say you have ANY reservations about the kid or those boys will burn you. 
83. check yourself before you wreck yourself, kalon. 
84. ew. this place is so gaudy. 
85. look at scarlet ohara!
86. that dress is cool. 
87. you're not into him, girl. let him fly. 
88. he's so uncomfortable he's just chugging wine. 
89. in 5 yrs i want to be "happy."
90. ooook. next. 
91. oooop. he's lost her with these comments.
92. he has spit on his chin.
93. keep it moving. i don't like him. 
94. that dress is A.LOT. for a simple dinner. 
95. oooh and now she's drunk... and she'll keep him even though she's not into him. 
96. her boosies are too big for a strapless dress..
97. ooooh good! she's not into him!
98. why did she stand up with her back to him?
99. he's pissed. 
100. wooah, mom has a bright hair color..
101. wipe off that sweat, kalon. 
102. ooh aaron looks so smart in those glasses. 
103. reeeally not feeling jeff-one-eff's pompadour. 
104. oooh there he is! i love the racer. 
105. he could use a tan. looking sallow, pal. 
106. he's striking all the right chords with this woman. 
107. oooh what a sympathetic ear! 
108. i feel badly for all these sweating guys. 
109. what's that guy's name? eek. looks like fievel mousekewitz. 
110. oooh tony! 
111. how awkward. tony is watching their private time?! 
112. this is soooooo creepy. 
113. he needs to just walk away. 
114. most jocks who want to look smart overuse the following words: thusly, myself, & furthermore. 
115. look at the scratched out words!! baaaahahahaha
116. nope! he looks like pee wee herman!
117. 7 pages?! are you kidding me, dude? after one date? that's nuts. 
118. she's a lush!- madison.
119. he's dying to think of a way to drop the kid on her. 
120. she seems totally disinterested. 
121. she's dying to get this over...
122. kalon just sitting alone undre the chuppah. 
123. he skeeves me out on the most fundamental level. 
124. he's not even listening to her. he just talks at her!
125. look at those boys move in like a swat team!
126. mom bob is not in a ponytail. 
127. bahahaha! i like wolf's rule. 
128. ponytail is hot. don't love the hair....
129. harrison and his competing plaids is making my eyes jumpy. 
130. am i to see a hidden shape like those strange paintings at the mall?
131. do you think harrison is in love with em? when will he try to jump for her?
132. ryan is giving me fabio feelings. 
133. wooah. they shouldn't have panned up without letting her suck it in first. 
134. what?! stevie over the biology teacher?! 
135. those dweeb glasses must have thrown her. 
136. he's got a floppy walk, that kyle. 
137. why is your heart broken?! you don't even know this girl! 
138. is all her jewelry alexis bittar?
139. i loooove that she smashed the ostrich egg.
140. can't wait to see that. 

kids, i'm already bored by this. bored. bored. bored. bored. bored. 

and all the guys are lame. 

thoughts?