{ the bachelor } sean- harlequin dreams

*finally, i got to watch the bach with shauna (aka. shavs)  who makes one hell of a napkin rose and makes me laugh more than anyone on the planet.
and dan.
and nina.
my california crew.
it was a good bunch.

true confessions:

i have watched the exit interview from "50 shades of drunk" no fewer than 24 times in the last week. we're all obsessed. i'm really, seriously, devastated that she's gone. total bumski.

and

to be honest, i received relationship advice from a former bachelor and his new girlfriend- a broadway/film/tv friend. naturally, i couldn't take the advice as he was once engaged to total swam trash whose name is often coupled with the word "sausage."

1. does every ep start with him working out and showering? i mean, i'm glad he showers, but i feel really homoerotic watching it constantly. 
2. kristy is desperate to be a supermodel from the 90's with that hair. 
3. that girl is pretty accurate with that liner. 
4. naturally we start with a helicpoter.
5. why is kacie surprised by the heli?
6. i'd be so pissed if i had to stand outside and get wind/dirt blown by the heli. 
7. is she mormon? she's wearing a million layers. 15 shade shirts. - shavs.
8. 2nd shade of V-neck on sean in the first 3 min. 
9. oooh sean is handsy. 
10. you guys... there are so many jokes i just can't write...... 
11. he's ready for the helicopter to ride to be over? is he bored?
12. please don't tell me they're going to make her do a two-armed adventure situation... this is cruel. 
13. he has clevage!- nina.
14. he's really good looking... when his skin isn't bright red and shiny. - shavs. 
15. does she have shoes on? 
16. can't wait for the cliche metaphors at the end of this nightmare. 
17. there is no way in hell that i'd ever do this. 
18. just glad she didn't have to repel. 
19. i love when they thank them for being "up for anything" when the girl really doesn't have any choice. 
20. so many zoom ins on the arm! - shavs. 
21. ok. thanks for this heartfelt moment.... moving on...
22. you guys, he's a MAN! a MAN! 
23. he's the perfect guy for her? from one date? you guys, it's just that easy. 
24. woooah katie! how bout that frizz factor!?
25. tierra does a scary open mouthed freeze at the end of every laugh. 
26. she's a beautiful girl- not tierra... the date. ack! what's her name?!
27. what's happening with tierra's cleopatra eye liner?
28. yoga teacher has rad curls in some shots and looks electrocuted in others..
29. her hair is heart shaped. - shavs.
30. i really think that's the fresh prince house.- shavs. 
31. the model just gave 2 vicky gunvalson "woo-hoos."
32. what a privilege! you can model for us for FREEE!
33. tierra has the most nasty resting-face. 
34. no you're not (natural). - shavs
35. back walk-over is showing some fang! literally... and figuratively. 
36. oh no...... 80's rock concert is a hot mess. 
37. she just ripped off his mic.. and his shirt. 
38. slc is looking uncomfy. 
39. DC barbie has hot abs. 
40. selma is gorg. 
41. the model needs a valium. 
42. tierra can't even lift her eyebrow from too much toxing. 
43. model! take it down a notch!
44. woof. that first vampire is terrifying. 
45. tierra needs a strapless bra int he worst way. 
46. wooah! sean ripping off the clothes!
47. i don't think his pastor is going to like this episode. - shavs.
48. model needs some teeth shaving.. even that smile out!
49. they're just thrilled that they got a free ford model. 
50. what's happening with this wretched lighting... 
51. grow a pair, sean. just kiss her. 
52. this is weird. 
53. that couch is hideous. 
54. he's asexual. -shavs.
55. he's every guy in my ward.. homosexual or asexual.- shavs. 
56. woah! go girl! gutsy. 
57. i like her. but i'm not sure i'd do that.... 
58. though, i think he went for it. 
59. kacie b is wearing a t-shirt as a dress?
60. the lighting is a disaster on this date on every level. 
61. i really like kacie b and sean together. 
62. i also really like that kacie b's profession is "ben's season."
63. oooh he put her in the friend zone. 
64. that was an awkward pause after she asked if that's what he wants to do...
65. kacie b's LA frizz is always a little velcro-y. 
66. SLC, are those lashes 15s or 16s? cause they're definitely not 10s or 11s.
67. "i'm vegan but i love the beef!"
68. waaait, was she holding her crotch when she said that?!- nina.
69. that's her favorite thing to say- shavs. 
70. kinky asian!
71. he's a goony romantic. 
72. selma just did a look to camera. 
73. she's stunning.. though she holds her mouth in the strangest way. 
74. tierra just yelling things out!
75. you just can't wear fringe when you have huge boobs. 
76. hasn't she seen the pearl situation on "thoroughly modern millie?!"
77. she's in pageants.- shavs. 
78. tierra is jekyll and hyde. 
79. she rehearsed this [speech]. - shavs. 
80. she keeps giving him flare smize. 
81. katie needs to move to europe with that [hair]. it's not working in america. - dan.
82. i feel like she just needs to gloss it out.- shavs.
83. or lotion. throw some lotion on that or throw it up into a top knot. 
84. i really love kacie b.
85. everybody should have a leather pencil skirt. -shavs. 
86. she's giving me straight up helena bonham carter with that fro. 
87. oooh no. he's not gonna beg that girl to stay with that hot mess on her head. 
88. just keep it moving, girl.. .all the way to ouidad or devachon. 
89. SLC could use a lip color. 
90. good! kacie needed a touch of validation. 
91. it's ok, DC. you got a smooch. 
92. sean wears exclusively plaids and v-necks. 
93. modern art is so weird. 
94. this is both cruel.. and hilarious. 
95. those look like tiny, totally unobtrusive cameras!
96. "go put yourself together." .... nice. 
97. woof. that limo lighting is terrible. 
98. jet, helicopter, ....... or a try-hard art exhibit. 
99. is that limo spray painted and duct taped?! - shavs.
100. i like this girl. 
101. she's really girl next door-ish... it's the peg-lateral teeth that make her look young..
102. super katie holms-y.
103. poor des. 
104. chris is intently perv-watching. 
105. you ARE a bad person!
106. i hate those shoes, des. 
107. dress is great. 
108. seans lips look purple. 
109. i was hoping for a grander response. 
110. so he also cooked that? riiiiight. 
111. what anorexic portions!- nina. 
112. i'd ask for sweats the second we hit the door. 
113. i really like desiree. she seems totally normal. 
114. cute little body!
115. 3rd v-neck color. 
116. is that the pool drain??????
117. what is that farting sound?
118. it's her stomach from having gas and wearing spanx all night- shavs.
119. and she didn't eat and is now drinking bubbly champers.- nina. 
120. kiss her already!- shavs. 
121. cute. good girl to tease him. 
122. i'd love it if he just shoved her into the pool. 
123. i used to have a step-sister named "desi" for about 3 yrs. thanks, dad!- shavs. 
124. i'm tired of nose and tongue rings.. well rings of any sort... belly button rings are hideous. 
125. it looks like a pimple. it looks like a wart. - shavs
126. standing ovation when he walks into the room!- nina.
127. ford is aggressive looking. for SURE she'd cut a B. 
128. DC looks a little bit like a stoner- shavs. 
129. WHAT IS WEDDING DRESS WEARING?!
130. cache from the 80's? 
131. it looks like she's going to do one of those dance routines where on one side she's a man and on the other side she's a woman. -the shavs.
132. is she drunk again?
133. yes, she's drunk. she chose that dress.- shavs. 
134. what is he wearing?! a matching 80's look. 
135. she has double chin potential. 
136. can she only say "yes" ???
137. "you ARE?" that was an over the top response to him saying he's into family....
138. where is her blotting powder?
139. he has total FP (fat potential). - nina. 
140. who is this girl. she's a supermodel. 
141. i can't even tell you what girl i'm talking about cause she's had zero face time. 
142. neon yellow dress looks just like BEN!
143. i guess, we can call her FRANCINE. 
144. i like ashLee.. even though her name spelling is weird. 
145. ben doesn't speak?? is he stoned?
146. she has Ariel tactics. "don't speak until a man kisses you! then as a woman, you're allowed. -nina. 
147. selma is mexican ashley green.- shavs. 
148. Ben is getting perked up!
149. DC barbie sure needs to STOP FROSTING HER SHADOW!
150. oooh here it is! back walkover pulls the race card!
151. maybe he doesn't like you cause you can't lock out your arms!
152. he's 10 steps ahead of you. 
153. i really hate her combover.  but that yellow dress is nailing it. 
154. selma is arabic?! i'm loving her. 
155. she's a little bit of a shahs of sunset persian princess but i think she's gorg. 
156. and also possibly totally weird. 
157. the erika rose look-alike is getting drunker and shiny'er.
158. kacie doesn't care.. she has a rose. she's just gonna rock a bump-it?
159. Ben is creepy. He just comes to life when the man comes in the room?
160. tell me what you're looking for and i'll try to be it. 
161. Ben is creepy. 
162. ford's earrings are white trash. 
163. keep it to one pierce. 
164. daniella is the erika rose twin. 
165. she's the house analyzer. 
166. i like the 3 rose girls. 
167. selma is stunnsville. 
168. she's arabian ashley green now!- shavs. 
169. ashLee is gorg. 
170. naturally stunning. 
171. again, prettiest girls in forever. 
172. wedding dress has the ashiest color. 
173. ford is punching it out with those lips!
174. jackie looks like a disney princess. 
175. she looks like a total B. - shavs. 
176. she does! she has a B-face!- shavs. 
177. ok.. her hair color is a bit harsh. 
178. if selma doesn't get a rose, i'll ask her out. 
179. sorry, she just got one! sorry, lezzie.- shavs. 
180. ben's getting heated. 
181. full lace dress is a mess. 
182. daniella is real pretty. 
183. taryn needs to tone that blonde. flaat. 
184. daniella has greasy hair. 
185. ben and slc are cut? 
186. ben looks like she's going to torch the place. 
187. wooooah! kept ben over slc and that pretty black girl?!
188. neither of them had any camera time.... 
189. i'm happy that SLC wasn't the crazy nut of the group. 
190. but... i really hope she gives us a nutty exit interview. 
191. i need something to live for this week. 
192. oooh good guy! what a sweet exit for SLC. 
193. she's a nice girl. 
194. please don't say you're not "enough" for him....
195. we've all been there... don't do it. 
196. he has a bunch of total hotties. 
197. i'm obsessed with bridal consultant and kacie b. 
198. what are you feeling? 
199. she probably has silly bands in that arm party [re: tierra's bracelets]- shavs. 
200. DC is the only brain in the house. 
201.