{ the bachelor } sean - the nuthouse

ok. ok.
i feel like i might say this at the beginning of EVERY season, but i'm bored and i'm not that interested in sean's "journey."
so lets pray the girls are completely and totally nuts so we can all be entertained.

1. i sure wish sean didn't have flesh-colored eyebrows. 
2. he has a constant sunburn. 
3. "physically exhausting"- while he's pumping weights. 
4. i sorta think these previews are catered more to boyz who like boyz than girlzzz.
5. i like sean's family. they seem totally normal. 
6. woof. v neck and wretched jeans! 
7. the more he talks about family, the more sure i am that he'll pick the biggest slut! - dan
8. i want to be that rock.. while i'm standing on a rock. 
9. ok, kids. now who is going to fill the slutty/crazy utah girl slot this year?!
10. super manly to cut strawberries for your man friend to come over. 
11. arie is a wittle guy. 
12. do i really need to see sean in a low v this entire season? i'm sorry, but it's pretty much the uniform of all my gay friends. 
13. this "boy talk" is so emasculating! are they just trying to kill time? not enough rose ceremony footage?
14. honestly. this role play is a mess.
15. this is grossing me out. 
16. um.. you guys didn't win last season so obviously, what you're doing isn't working. - nina.
17. and I'M pretty sure that you need to prove your heterosexuality after this oprah chat sesh. 
18. desiree is cute. 
19. tierra looks like britney spears' mom. 
20. woooah earrings!
21. she's going to be nuts. i can tell. 
22. nice fake bake/deodorant armpit white out. 
23. ooooh lets get robyn's part a little closer to center.... is this a full comb over?
24. ooop. here comes the utah.... 
25. helmet on the slide is super responsible. 
26. cute little girls. 
27. nice fake phone call advertising..
28. how's he gonna break up with her! that's tough!- dan.
29. she's sweet.
30. another hairstylist... with real rough hair.. and too much makeup. 
31. really? 50 shades of grey? 
32. stop biting that scary barbie pink lipstick. 
33. capitol hill barbie seems semi smart. 
34. capital hill cheese. 
35. the ford model gives me courtney feelings. 
36. in some shots, she's slamming hot and in others... aggressive. 
37. the organizer is really cute. 
38. she's an emotional freight train coming at you. - dan.
39. what a look of wonder getting out of that limo. he took direction well!
40. greeeeat dress on the organizer! she looks incredible. 
41. love that dress. 
42. jackie just got hit by the limo door. 
43. my "mark"? she should have had that lipstick on  when she got out. 
44. scary extensions/color.
45. oooh selma. niiice cleve pull. 
46. she's cute. 
47. lot of little pocket rockets in this group. 
48. poker dealer?! 
49. oooh daniella... what is happening with your hair?! tracy turnblad hair color?  pretty girl. bad hair and bad gimmick. 
50. no kidding, kelley... that hair and outfit told me you were a cruise ship girl before the ev did. woof. 
51. katie has a slamming bod and an unflattering dress.... just barefoot. 
52. oh ashley... don't drop 50 shades on him too soon. 
53. he has NO idea what she's talking about it. 
54. that was awkward. 
55. ooh girls... watch the BACK OF YOUR HEAD. lot of rats nest disasters happening. 
56. sean is digging the asian girl. 
57. i sorta want someone to leave a rough deodorant mark on his shoulder when they go in for the hug. 
58. oooooh my gosh!!! i had to rewind that back walk over!!!! oh my gosh! that was amazing. i can't. 
59. that just made this episode worth it. 
60. lacey is a barbie doll! 
61. we need to have an extension intervention on the bachelor. 
62. oooh paige. looking crazy. take it easy. 
63. britney spears' mom has a ring finger tat?
64. no way!!!! first rose??? 
65. she has a tox'd forehead if i've ever seen one...
66. as if she doesn't know what's gonna happen?!
67. if she says "nerve wracking," one more time, i'll kick my tv. 
68. that dress is a mess. 
69. those poor girls in the limo are having to witness this. 
70. oh these girls are gonna be out for blood with her. 
71. is it just the humidity? why is every girls hair so totally busted?!
72. cruise ship is near to tears over that rose. 
73. "animal attack on the eyeballs!" love it. 
74. there are a few more roses, girls. relax. 
75. ok, fit model... this is the most awkward thing ever. and i love that they bumped the cricket sound cue. 
76. kerianne... did your hair blow out the window on that entire long drive? 
77. like that dress, des. 
78. but not a fan of the lipstick color... 
79. i like that girl. bridal. 
80. ooooh SLC..... i wish you had a little more support in the bra arena (you knew i'd say that) and a more flattering dress. her body is better than that dress. 
81. cool dress, Capitol barbie. 
82. that was awkward but cute. 
83. he bought it. 
84. ford model with 80's hair and bad stenchies. 
85. why is she frosting us out with that makeup?!
86. she is giving us jane fonda- dan
87. ashley sounds like michael jackson. 
88. i think sean checked the ethnic girl preference box- audra. 
89. weird break your legs comment...
90. and now the wedding dress just took an express train to crazy land. 
91. i'm nervous for her family. 
92. bad shoes, mystery girl. i'm not a fan of the stripper platform. 
93. is sean wearing pink lipstick?
94. great legs. 
95. yaaaaaaaay! kacie B! we love her! 
96. i'll bet they're grooming her to be the next bachelorette. 
97. my dad loves her. 
98. not a fan of the frosty eye shadow. 
99. she's lost a lot of weight... a lot. 
100. she's gorgeous. 
101. i love that the bachelor superfan is clueing them all in. 
102. lacey looks like ashley kate adams. 
103. what? no commentary on the wedding dress girl?
104. selma is a little bit wednesday adams. 
105. i'll say that this is probably the best looking crop of chicks they've had in a long time. 
106. i feel like kacie b definitely had met sean at a bachelor mixer before. 
107. he liiiiikes her. 
108. if she doesn't go all the way, she's the bachelorette next season and i'll be totally fine with that. 
109. yup. they HAD met!
110. sean is a nice guy. 
111. she has cotton mouth. 
112. nice --crew member walk behind her back...
113. "getting my heart broke."
114. it's kind of cute and southern that he has poor english.- nina.
115. looks like sean likes a brunette.
116. the rose girls are so smug. 
117. another creeping crew guy in the back. 
118. oooooh only a SENTENCE! she is SPECIAL, YOU GUYS!!!!!
119. charity never faileth. it's called a charity rose.- dan re: the backwalk over girl. 
120. michael jackson has had so much botox that she can hardly talk. 
121. uh oh.  wedding dress girl is losing it. 
122. oooh "not contagious" sure is a selling point. 
123. oh this is getting so uncomfortable. ouch. 
124. ford model can't keep her hands out of her hair. 
125. 50 shades is a hot mess. i'm loving her. 
126. he'd better keep that disaster.
127. this is the most awkie dance i've ever seen. 
128. the bach superfan is so worried about the form of the night!
129. oh no. the tie. 
130. did he just say he brought a rape whistle?!
131. sean is really good at handling these nuts. 
132. utah has great legs. 
133. taryn is going to CRUMBLE. 
134. drunk skunk. 
135. sara gives me barbara eden feelings. 
136. oh man! she's breaking my heart. 
137. he'll give her a rose. 
138. good on you, sean. she's a sweet girl. 
139. that's one thing i'll give to jef with one f- he just played it cool and let everyone punch it out- dan. 
140. daniella is stunning. 
141. taryn? wow! i'd love to tone down that bleach. 
142. did harrison get that tie from mr mac?
143. some of these chicks look like they're going to lose it. 
144. no way!!! wedding dress over pretty (overdone) lacey? 
145. super fan ousted?! poor girl. 
146. go hang out with some normal people!- dan.
147. cruise ship is out... little too much. pretty pretty girl needs to tone down the look. 
148. he saw a fake tan, boobs, hair...
149. he saw $600 / month to upkeep that girl!- mom
150. michael jackson is a total NBA wife. 
151. woah! it looks like wedding dress goes far. 
152. oooh wow! tierra is going to be good tv. 
153. i'm living for the roller derby. 
154. all right! we've got a courtney! - dan. 
155. a fallen rose!!!!! how dramatic!
156. nothing more romantic than a monkey chowing down in front of a beach makeout scene. 
157. 50 shades of drunk!!! 
158. "yeah it sucks! like a little bit of a bum-ski." DYING! 
159. no way! 
160. i want to know what that tat says!
161. best bachelor exit ever! this is soo good. 
162. ok... i seriously rewound that back walk-over about 37 times.  
163. and that exit twice. 
164. oh my gosh!! she couldn't even shake her booty separately... i'm crying. 
165. i'm dying over the music. 
166. it's like a deranged circus. 
167. oooookay. now i'm psyched for this season. that was amazing. just the laugh i needed. 

ok... so what are your predictions, kids? i still love me some kacie b.

** and for those of you wondering if you saw HD on the insta today..... no. that is jeff mclean and we've been friends for 100 years and he's not interested in what i'm selling if you catch my drift....