{ the bachelor - sean } aaaah phuket!

my gorgeous and talented friend laura (from WONDERLAND) came over with "theme food" today...

well... kale chips (cause we needed some nutrition to make us feel better about the visual garbage we were about to intake), and gorgonzola & almond stuffed dates to look like the bugs wedding dress eats in thailand, and (from scratch) tie-dye cupcakes and funfetti frosting. to die for.

and she also brought her hilarious bf, sam, whom i love and adore. 

they were the perfect crew tonight! 

1. sean looks much better in the nordic regions. that way his skin stays away from that pink color- laura. 
2. sean's the king of the world. 
3. what happened to you knee, sean?
4. i wonder how long it takes him to remember the girls names? like how many weeks in are the producers whispering "asleee! her name is ashleeee"
5. i do hate a man in a tank top. 
6. these pondering shots are so uncomfortable. 
7. he just wants to sleep with catherine. 
8. can you imagine him in that family of women? it's like a whole household of lady ediths.
9. ew. that blindfold moment was strange and messed up. it makes me miss that wack nut from night one- bumski!!!
10. i still can't get over the fact that he kept wedding dress girl. i'd have given her the boot in a heartbeat. 
11. we should start a drinking game when he calls her "that crazy girl in a wedding dress."
12. "adolescent." so weird. 
13. he looks like like jeff one eff in that tank top experience. 
14. holy crap! look at that tan line!
15. every time the bachelor wears mandals, God kills a puppy.- laura. 
16. that was a hair club commercial (him coming out of the water). - sam. 
17. i want to go to there. who is taking me?
18. nothing like a flesh colored shirt. 
19. most racistly asian music theme ever. hilarious. 
20. plus a bollywood club beat once they got rolling in that jitney. 
21. those chickens!!!!!!  so cute! and has to be so unhealthy. see also: i want to do that to stella. 
22. sexy corn dog eating? ew. i hate when people feed each other or co-eat.
23. here we go... bug time. 
24. (btw... our "bugs" were finished before the first credits rolled.)
25. is she dating a maggot?
26. i couldn't do legs.- laura.
27. i'd plug my nose. 
28. is this fear factor?
29. is she picking her teeth with the legs.- laura. 
30. he's totally thrilled by this. 
31. these pop up tweets really make me wish i could do my posts pop-up video style. that would be so rad. 
32. i hope they got a bag of crickets to go for a beach snack.-laura. 
33. she grunts a lot and does a little too much baby talking for my taste. 
34. they're smackers. 
35. are we seeing a bit of butt crack?
36. just ruining natural ecology everywhere they go. - laura.
37. pretty sunset. 
38. good shots. 
39. yes. the monkey in the foreground shot is hilarious. 
40. sex and monkeys. 
41. they got real good sunset footage on this date. 
42. what is she WEARING?!
43. is this the disney electrical parade?
44. is this the fantasy suite?- sam.
45. is that dress from pretty woman? by way of bebe?
46. how many times/day do they curl their hair on this damn show?
47. now he's pitting them against each other? way to win that round for eating bugs!
48. smokey eye is just too much with a sunburn. 
49. look at him... just getting shinier and sweatier...
50. she takes this "serious," guys. but she doesn't take grammar "seriously." which is no surprise. girl is on the bachelor...
51. saved by the l-bomb bell.
52. are those tierra's toe nail talons?
53. where is the king of siam? and misses anna?
54. why do they bother reading those? we all know what is happening.
55. "slut." - sam.
56. the spread of STD's on fantasy suite week must be like wild fire. 
57. don't say "i love you" in a baby voice!
58. she DID! sick. 
59. listen to this majestic "i love you" kiss music!
60. why isn't it asian themed?!- laura.
61. MANDALS!- laura.
62. that purple is clashing with his pink face and the deep V is clashing with his heterosexuality.
63. and an off the shoulder look! upholding the long-standing bachelor tradition!-laura.
64. thanks for the sean crotch shot, camera guy. 
65. why don't we ever hear about any of these girls getting dysentery or a crazy worm or something.- laura. 
66. more crotch! 
67. oh here we go! more psycho therapy with ashlee!
68. are we having fear of abandonment in this cave? seriously?
69. wait... why would anyone trust you? cause the producers told you it's ok? 
70. that's cool how the water glows.- laura.
71. all i would think about is a tsunami or earthquake ripping thru there. 
72. here we go.. "letting go" metaphors. [vomit]
73. let go of what? you sense of self worth?- laura. 
74. light at the end of the tunnel... faith in me.... ashlee's protctor.... [vim] 
75. coool beach. please tell me they get to helicopter out of there. 
76. oh, i'd totally do that. 
77. ew. that water must be so murky. 
78. damn, her body is nuts. 
79. they look hot together. 
80. do you think she switched which shoulder was off so she could get an even tan line?
81. we used to refer to sean as "chewbaca" for the the longest time cause that's what he reminded us of when he ran down the streets screaming "emily" last season. - laura. 
82. love these [sex] euphemisms. -laura. 
83. i wish there was a way to know how many girls actually do it in the fantasy suite. 
84. those poor girls always look like hunchbacks with those mics. -laura.
85. what is that "i love it" voice?!
86. whenever people stop the airflow in their voices, it sounds hideous. vocal fry + nasality + baby voices....... gross. 
87. nice of him to clarify it on the SECOND girl.... 
88. except .. you didn't clarify, sean. 
89. they should have bundling boards.- laura. 
90. what does that ghetto necklace say?
91. i want it to say "phat."- laura
92. does your heart want to be fed desert like a baby? 
93. yesssss. just request your finger!
94. 6 and a half. well, i'm a 4 1/2.... just want to ge that out there. 
95. does that necklace say zygote? - laura. 
96. he's healed her?! give me a break. 
97. he's pretty smooth, i'll give him that. he definitely knows how to push buttons and listen. -sam.
98. catherine is just such a giggle-puss.
99. yaaay! i got my hair freshly melded! hahahahahahah!
100. this is a relationship bound for doom. 
101. she's a gorgeous girl, but i feel like she's just too much of a free spirit for him. 
102. he's so conservative. 
103. her freckles are adorable. 
104. why does SHE have to go to DALLAS?!- laura. 
105. i gotta take you back to my cave.- sam. 
106. exactly how "weird" are you, sean? cause you seem pretty standard to me...
107. that's a vegas bikini bottom!
108. that top is a mess. too full coverage. 
109. do they just wear waterproof mascara every day just assuming that they'll get wet. - laura. 
110. he is TOTALLY into her. 
111. that top is too much for her tiny body. 
112. eeeeww!!! tongue!
113.  he licked her like an ice cream cone!- laura. 
114. gross. 
115. he didn't kiss those other gals like that. 
116. that's heavy petting, right there.- sam. 
117. so at this point he knows what he wants, right? so he has to string one of them along and do a mercy killing on the other one...- sam.
118. i hate these "where do you see us" quizzes. 
119. she talks like a total geek. stilted. but it's a welcome change after grunty and baby talk. 
120. i like that these girls are all totally conservative about the fantasy suite. 
121. why won't anyone just come out and say, "i'm not going to have sex with you."
122. probably because they can't contractually...-sam.
123. chris the pimp.- sam.
124. the eunuch of the harem.- sam.
125. they all have a rando throw at the bottom of the bed. 
126. she's gorg. 
127. look at that suggestive accent nail!
128. wait... what are we talking about? body issues?
129. how did we get there? 
130. he LOVES her. - laura.
131. watching them kiss is giving me the weebs. 
132. no, chris, YOU  picture THIS. 
133. weird. 
134. woooah! not even a subtle plug!
135. blatant!
136. i mean, i'm seeing this film, but CHILL OUT!
137. all RIIIIGHT! towel shot!
138. no amount of fussing with that hair will ever turn it darker, sean. -laura. 
139. ok. sam and i think it's ashlee going home and laura says it's wedding dress. 
140. does he have frosted tips? or...- sam. 
141. i'm gonna go with a little sun in & a lot of sun. 
142. just cut to the chase! these dramatic harrison sessions are so sappy. 
143. how many different batik fabrics are we working on those chairs?!
144. those headshots are so senior photo-ish.. the girls don't look anything like that anymore. 
145. is he wearing pink lipgloss?
146. cute dress on her. 
147. love the look. finally, she nails it. 
148. oh my gosh. the fabrics in that room!
149. great colors on catherine. 
150. woooah bad babydoll cut on her. 
151. the "wiggles?" 
152. it's weird when you hear ultra-intelligent people say things like that.-laura.
153. i wouldn't say "ultra."
154. well she's not smart enough to know not to wear that dress!-laura.
155. oooh more therapy talk with ashlee....
156. would the wall be your giant store-bought juggs???
157. holy COW! that dress is obscene on those tats!
158. oooh it makes her look fat.- laura.
159. CRY CRY! -laura. 
160. wooooah damaged goods! send her home! run the other way! "together we are whole?!"- laura. 
161. she's such a mess. 
162. bye, ash. 
163. she's going to kill herself before the final rose. let her go. - sam. 
164. look at his face! he's giving her the boot. 
165. flared nostrils. he feels soooo bad about doing it. 
166. we need to put her on round-the-clock therapy. 
167. every one of them got a deep breath shot. 
168. pink roses? are those pink??
169. look at that nifty pocket kerchief!
170. the dark shirt + light grey suit is sorta jersey magician-y.
171. did she just pull a jennifer lawrence?! 
172. laura thinks it's a "s#*t."
173. haha. 
174. first rose!
175. oooh you guys are right! they're sending ta-ta's home!-laura.
176. no final rose announcement from chris?
177. how will we know this is the final rose?!?! aaaaaahhhh!
178. you'd better hold this decision for another 32 bars.....
179. that's longer than most people get for auditions.- laura. 
180. you could birth a child during this pause.-laura. 
181. what else could we do during this time? get an associates degree?- laura. 
182. i knew it! 
183. somebody give her a valium. 
184. good girl. just keep walking!!!!
185. wait. did a producer make her listen to him?
186. yes. ice him. 
187. too late, nostrils. you DID hurt her. 
188. she opens her OWN door!- laura. 
189. the under-lighting makes her look maniacal! 
190. i love how icy she is!- laura. 
191. oooh seriously! they have to watch him?! that shot is so uncomfortable! 
192. i wish he was sitting in the rain. that'd make it so much more dramatic. 
193. it is a pretty bad rejection. sick. my heart breaks for her. 
194. that camera is getting closer and closer. 
195. yes. i can't wait to see tierra and ben again!
196. and kacie b. 
197. desiree has to be the next bachelorette. she's doing juice cleanses and buying cute clothes right now. she's doing just fine. 
198. i love sean's fam. they're rad. 
199. his mom is normal. she should be concerned. 
200. oooh that letter is going to be a good twist. 
201. that is a non-sexy proposal location. 
202. he does numbers? 
203. i was told there'd be no math. 
204. "i passed the 3rd grade!"- sam. 

i dunno who it's going to be.... but i'm feeling catherine more now... but i think wedding dress might be a better match?