Friday, October 4, 2013
FOMO and the instagram illusion.
i'm back in the saddle.
as you all know, i tend to go MIA when my heart is too full, broken, or i'm in the thick of a new show....
i've spent some time in the middle of all three so.... that explains it.
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in the last few months, i've noticed a disturbing trend; FOMO (fear of missing out) and instadepression.
not from me-i love when people overgram and boast-a-gram. but from people whom i love and admire...
one day, a bright, beautiful, well-educated, rockstar friend of mine (who has a solid marriage to a really wonderful man who appreciates and loves her fully) lamented that she just can't follow "sue's" instagram account anymore.
because "sue's" husband made her heart-shaped pancakes and her husband has never made heart shaped pancakes and therefore he must not love her as much as "sue's" husband loves HER! she even brought this issue up to her dear husband and he said he'd be happy to make heart-shaped pancakes but all she needed to do was ask... she didn't WANT to have to ASK!!! he should just KNOW! like "sue's" husband KNOWS!
i laughed. that reaction surprised me. i sorta thought she was above all of that.
and then i realized that really, truly, this was a point of comparison that she really internalized.
additionally, another friend told me she just couldn't "like" a certain picture on a friend's account because she wasn't invited to be there on that night and it hurt her feelings.
i can't tell you how many times i've heard similar stories in the last year.
it's an instademic!!!!!
darlings, it's downright ridiculous.
but i also recognize that it's a really serious problem.
women have been comparing their lives to other women since the dawn of time.. this isn't new, it's just more in-your-face now that instagram/facebook/blogging is so accessible.
well, let me let you in on a little secret:
your life is not perfect. but it's perfect for you.
that girl you idolize on instagram- HER life isn't perfect, you just can't see that.
she may have the perfect crafting, party throwing, beautiful, family loving life in a picture, but you have absolutely NO idea what she's dealing with behind her iphone snapshot.
i asked sussy what she thought of the whole thing. it's really troubling to me....
you know, how do we fix it? do you feel it? yadda yadda yadda....
and what struck me is that my sister is one of those people who is truly so busy being her unprecedented self that she doesn't have time to get jealous or covetous of another's bubble.
i asked if she thinks that we, as insta/bloggers, have an obligation to keep things more "real."
she gave a resounding NO!
she looks at instagram to be inspired artistically.
she's not interested in looking at your dirty dishes or failings. she wants to celebrate the beauty of it all.
i think of instagram as a little place for things i find hilarious, beautiful, inspiring, silly or to celebrate people i love.... but i DO think i at least attempt to be as real as i can without disclosing things that are none of your business....often i'm not cryptic enough! my friends will read into a small hint and think i'm unraveling.
you don't need to see ALL the times i cry or fail (this year, that was pretty much daily), you see enough already, i think.
and to be honest, that girl you hate because her life is so perfect on instagram, well she has hurts that are none of your damn business and don't need to be shared on instagram...
you hate her for her perfection, and all she's doing is protecting herself from the ugliness in her life. there is SO much ugliness in life.
why NOT celebrate the good and the beautiful and the cherish-able?!
i don't believe the problem lies in the girl who is wearing designer clothes (you don't know how she got them.... maybe daddy paid for it and not herself or her young husband. and if he did? awesome! go girl!) and showing "messy faced" pictures of her immaculate kids... maybe the problem lies in US.
why can't we simply look at the pic and find something to learn from it? even the most OBNOXIOUS OOTD post has a bit to learn for a girl who can't afford what she's wearing.... how did she put it together? how can i work that makeup look? whatever...
and the girl with kids who are more beautiful than yours... good on HER! that's awesome! i'll bet your kids have talents and abilities that rival that kid's beauty.
we ALL are blessed in different areas. see that. don't focus on the areas you lack.
if you are feeling left out because you are not invited to someone's event/playgroup/dinner party and you're feeling bugged about it:
YOU DO THE INVITING!
create the party!
don't sit around and be sour that you aren't in the "in" group.
BE the "in" group.
people gravitate to whom they gravitate. you do not need to be invited to EVERY little event. some people are closer to others who share their same hobbies, kid's school schedule/age, or life habits.
get over it.
stop talking about it.
i'll bet that no one is instagramming a shot to rub it in. they're instagramming to keep their family included and to show love for the people they are with...
and guess what? if they are the type of people who use instagram as a weapon, you don't want to be friends with them anyway.
onward and upward.
it's time to stop blaming and take responsibility for our insta-feelings.
NO ONE is perfect.
NO ONE has the perfect life/love/career/apartment/financial situation......
live a life worth gramming.
do not live to gram.
that's my two cents.