it's juanuary!!!!!

thanks to evie gerulat for the sweet pic

you guys, my building was on fire yesterday so i missed the dramatic preview. 
give me the recap. 
seemed like a time suck. 

here we GOOOOOOOOO(AL) !!! 
  1. i mean he's kind of cut but he's a little bit soft- som
  2. el bachelor?! i'll never get sick of that. 
  3. stop dancing. stop.
  4. kick a soccer ball or something. 
  5. consulting? so he's jobless.- nicole
  6. this is like the "playing for keeps" gerard butler movie.
  7. he "retired" when he had a daughter.
  8. so he got cut.- som
  9. i'm going to pay extra attention to this season cause i can't understand what he's saying.- som
  10. and there is the american apparel bachelor v-neck.
  11. bitchin car, man!
  12. if i see one more drawn heart, i'm going to throw up.
  13. i knew that sean would snake his way in to pitch his tv wedding.
  14. i can't tell if that's ombre grey or he just has weird sweat marks. -som
  15. what a surprise?! you're just showing up pre- mic'd?! neat!
  16. i'm guessing now that sean isn't the bachelor, he doesn't get free spray tans?- som
  17. i also have that shirt so i'm going to go home and burn that now.  som
  18. what is that tattoo?- nic
  19. this is so awkward watching two guys having chick chat. - som
  20. sean is such a cheese stick. 
  21. sean looks sickly. - som
  22. that's embarrassing for catherine! 
  23. is jp working a bumpit?
  24. skunks are true tellers of real love. 
  25. this was just awkward.
  26. i want to see them shaving their chests.- nic
  27. so who is the nanny for the kid? is she living at the bachelor pad?oh grandparents.
  28. he said that in english and they still put subtitles up- som
  29. nice pivot turn to a new camera angle, harrison!
  30. kelsey needs new jeans. 
  31. she looks cross eyed.- som
  32. i would vomit having to shoot the sunflower b-roll.
  33. is she learning spanish with her maid?
  34. she has a pretty smile. 
  35. sarasota has great legs. 
  36. the guitar chord underscore always feature a single mom. 
  37. i like prosecution barbie. 
  38. nice fake court room. 
  39. that sunglasses shot is GLAM (sarcasm)
  40. amy is going to regret this. 
  41. what is the sex face cat/cow pose?!
  42. is that a wig. 
  43. is that what ladies look like when they give massages? cause if so, i never want a massage. 
  44. crotch shot!!! 
  45. who is producing these clips? poor nicki with that up shot. 
  46. she looks like kerri russell- nicole. 
  47. i like her. 
  48. she went to nursing school. two thumbs up. 
  49. i'd love for her to get an eyebrow color tutorial. 
  50. 25 going on 45 - som. 
  51. he dumped her at work?! 
  52. shoot. 
  53. love that maxi dress. 
  54. nothing like looking whistfully at the red rock. 
  55. and thong and butt. 
  56. again, who is producing this?!
  57. valerie? a persian princess on a farm? 
  58. she IS confusing. 
  59. lacey is a bombshell. 
  60. she is a doll.
  61. wow. this is an impressive bunch of girls. 
  62. that nude bra is such a mistake. 
  63. clare is a pretty little blonde mexican. 
  64. she's already pulled out the sympathy card. -som
  65. weird sexy face.- nicole
  66. PLEASE don't put that dvd on national television. 
  67. those are some extensive extensions. 
  68. that mansion is never not tacky.
  69. wow. 2 more girls!
  70. neat.
  71. overwhelming.
  72. it's not a good idea who match your lipstick to your dress.. and forget to curl all of your hair. 
  73. cassandra is NAILING it. looks like ashley green. 
  74. awkward. 
  75. "former nba dancer" is code for "slept with a lot of black guys." -dusty
  76. oh hell he's so boring. bless his heart. 
  77. wedding dress horizontal stripes?
  78. living for miss emerald city! gorgeous. 
  79. does she have an accent?
  80. it's really bad jersey accent or spanish.- som. 
  81. she went to all a dollar for that bracelet.- ali
  82. trashy tat, sis. 
  83. oh yes! and he's touching her boob. 
  84. his face is bright red!- som
  85. that was a good ploy, girl!
  86. smirky town Kat!
  87. her hair is a hot mess but that dress and that bod are hot. 
  88. TOKEN!- nicole.
  89. there are always two so one doesn't seem so obvious.- som
  90. i want a black bachelor or ette!!
  91. i'm into victoria's dress@ nice and modern. 
  92. oh he's into her! 
  93. she's just enough enough miami for his taste.
  94. wait!!! you can be a "free spirit" for a living!? and still wear a leger dress?! free spirits are RICH!!! i'm going to be that! 
  95. oop there's natalie! token number 2- nicole
  96. oh crap. what is coming. 
  97. cobblestones on a piano. out of tune. 
  98. i'm so horrified for her. 
  99. ok. if your'e going to do that, it needs to be a song you've known your entire life!- jaycob. 
  100. oop unexpected run in!
  101. is this a bathroom break- som
  102. that was sweet. 
  103. oook disney princess face. 
  104. chelsie. 
  105. stop. it. now. 
  106. she just wanted to look hip in those glasses. 
  107. persian barbie- she looks amazing in that dress.-nicole
  108. i disagree.
  109. did she borrow that crystal dress from miranda lambert. 
  110. token short skirt. 
  111. she looks liek a creepy first grade teacher.- dust. 
  112. is this for real? 
  113. no. no way. 
  114. this is the same sound i made when i GOT pregnant.-som
  115. you know jp is like, wait a second... is that mine?!- dusty.
  116. remember me?- dusty
  117. why do you have to hold it like that? -ali
  118. he handled that well. 
  119. successful gimmick. 
  120. he just got so stoked about that soccer ball. 
  121. amy j is gonna be so much crazy. 
  122. why are her pecs pushing out like that. 
  123. next girl- she's giving me jennifer aniston feelings. 
  124. she seems genuine. 
  125. what the eff is a mineral co-ordinator? 
  126. i wish maggie would stand up straight in that pretty dress. 
  127. why did her parents allow her to have a baby voice for her entire life?
  128. "dog lover" holy crap, you guys! forget actressing! i'm going into dog loving and free spiriting. 
  129. lacey was my favorite until she walked out in that cache hideous dress. 
  130. kylie! under the sea!
  131. that dress is a disaster with that hair color. 
  132. can't wait to see how that color morphs over the season. 
  133. great dress opera singer. 
  134. is she bachelor ben's sis?
  135. you like singers, huh? call me, jp!
  136. he is INTO andi!
  137. we like her too. 
  138. this is the most chemistry all night- nicole. 
  139. this is cute. 
  140. she's in my top 5. 
  141. y'all, i've never seen so many cute girls. 
  142. lots of options. 
  143. do you think he has cue cards for all these english monologues?
  144. yes cause remember how we nmaever heard him speak last season- ali
  145. no really!? what can i say??? i literally don't know the words. - som
  146. wow. pretty girls. 
  147. and they're all playing with their hair for attention. - nicole
  148. no, it says that he wants to see your bodies wiggle around. 
  149. the jason mask may come into play more than once. 
  150. nikki's bod is sick. 
  151. and what is your weight? -dusty and your bra size?-nicole
  152. she did NOT just gesture "baby" so he could entiendo. 
  153. he is so wasted he can't even keep his eyes open- som
  154. of COURSE lucy is from SB. wonder if my family knows her. 
  155. "don't be nervous. be sure."
  156. happy camper! haha
  157. her feet are GROSSING me out. 
  158. noooo no table. 
  159. that massage therapist's dress is SO unflattering. 
  160. oh she is CRAY!
  161. is she already crying?
  162. ok. princess ariel is a mess.
  163. wait. whatever happened to dez??
  164. did she marry that boring guy? that book was a mess. 
  165. amy looks like a disney princess. 
  166. maggie red needs to go back to the plantation, scarlet. 
  167. i love him. no. doesnt' remember her name. 
  168. i want him to just point and say "you" when he's handing out the rose.- dusty.
  169. yeah, girl, get used to it. it will all be about him. 
  170. miranda lambert is already gooey with him. 
  171. i'd love to correct that 9 inch grandma cleve. 
  172. andi doesn't need to worry .. or lacy. 
  173. i want to know what the girls' reaction was to that preg belly. 
  174. kylie looks like a cutter. 
  175. mineral coordinator is LOSING. it. 
  176. stop crying! your ex fiance is going to feel SO vindicated. 
  177. stop it. 
  178. i hope the goodie bags have valium and proactiv. -anonymous
  179. well she wanted "time"... i'm guessing she meant camera time?
  180. girl got a makeup touch up before this. 
  181. WHY is she saying this to him?- som
  182. don't want to lead with this....."but it's my best feature!" -nicole
  183. she throws in the son. 
  184. he's not having this. 
  185. did she really go to build a bear for that?
  186. lawyer barbie and jp are LOVING each other. 
  187. i think she's getting the first impresh.
  188. she's playing hard to get unlike the others. 
  189. opera singer takes herself so seriously. how iw this happening? 
  190. she said wiener and she gets the rose?
  191. she is so dramatic. 
  192. wow. she is the most bold contestant we've ever seen.  
  193. litigator is great. 
  194. i'm SHOCKED by this. 
  195. he's just doing it cause she's a singer. 
  196. CRICKETS!!!!!
  197.  this is so uncomfortable. 
  198. she just needs to go. 
  199. what an ice queen!
  200. of course he just thinks she was so taken aback! 
  201. sharleen needs a bra. 
  202. in a big way. 
  203. i'm so surprised that low slinging opera girl turned his head. 
  204. oh that poor dog. 
  205. fake prego looks like kristen bell- som
  206. that opera girl just made every girl in america hate her with that "sure."
  207. the dog is even nervous. -som
  208. piano player got in?
  209. i was praying he'd ask for the dog by name. 
  210. oh no. the name swap. this is so uncomfortable. ouch. ouch. ouch. 
  211. he doesn't know what to do! 
  212. woooah christy got in?
  213. free spirit?! nooo
  214. yeah that crusty face is going to get you in!
  215. that's a pageant girl right there- ali
  216. full glitz.- ali
  217. that girl looks like nikki bonhe. 
  218. what are the finger tips on the chin?
  219. massage girl has a gun on her leg- ali
  220. she's straight out of 007.
  221. it's too bad. massage girl has a beautiful body. 
  222. people don't always feel like you like you feel them. --- that's because you're a massage therapist! -nicole. 
  223. he should have apologized to pink hair. 
  224. i'm trying to cry but no tears are coming out!- dusty
  225. "I'M INSECURE!!!" - pick me!!! - nicole
  226. she has marie osmond mouth. - nicole. 
  227. she looks like mary murphy.- jaycob
  228. these press photos are SO douchey. 
  229.  they're showing a lot of these chicks. have you cracked who these girls are. 
  230. litigator goes far. 
  231. how is opera freak still there?
  232. there a LOT of very DIFFERENT personalities. 
  233. bachelor got sooooft and has pink nips!! 
  234. did they color his nips all last season? 
  235. i'm TRULY disturbed by this!!
what are you thinking, friends?


Ashley and TJ said...

I think JP is the MOST awkward bachelor in history. He cannot make small talk and play off the girls in conversation. Is it his lack of proficiency in the English language or his lack of social skills? Either way, it is still somewhat entertaining. :) I'm super bummed there's not a crazy from SLC this season. Those are always the best, even though they rarely represent my hometown well. :) The best part of bachelor/ette is your blog!

emily said...

i cannot believe he gave the singer the rose. i thought for sure it'd be the girl he was talking to before her. clare and andi are my top two!

Laura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.